Chaser

With more time to think these days, I came to the realization that I’ve spent way too many years pining after this person or another, heartbroken over this person or another. It seemed “special” every time, but in truth I mostly just very badly wanted to be validated as “wanted” by anyone half-decent. I overlooked red flags, compromised my values, and clung onto relationships way past their expiration dates. This is something I’m determined to finally work through now. Sending love to anyone else struggling with low self-worth and anxious attachment.

11 Comments

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Bravo, OP

May 2, 2021 at 12:52pm

Squarely facing the consequences of people pleasing and approval seeking is a big universal theme right now. I'm right there with you in desiring to heal and evolve. Thank you for sharing.

30 7Rating: +23

Me Too

May 2, 2021 at 1:44pm

I am male

26 7Rating: +19

tiredeyes

May 2, 2021 at 2:06pm

thank you. this is what i need to hear. it's an ongoing struggle but every little success counts and every setback can be conquered.

27 6Rating: +21

Thank you <3

May 2, 2021 at 3:01pm

I've been feeling and thinking the same. Lots of healing lately and have reached similar thoughts. Mostly was needing to heal wounds I wasn't aware existed that I would unconsciously repeat in relationships and sometimes wanting to see the best despite the reality, possibly out of people pleasing, or refusing to believe I could be loved and love better. It's a continuous journey releasing guilt and shame from needing those relationships and also committing to not caring what those people choose to say or want from the me who didn't make the right choices. Knowing who I am and staying committed to this work is enough. Also beginning to understand perfection doesn't need to be a destination before letting the right people in when/if ready. Love back to you and others healing.

29 8Rating: +21

@Thank you <3

May 2, 2021 at 5:15pm

Your heart is in right place but lets not make it too complicated.No one remembers details. Poignancy means nothing for those who lived a litttle.

6 15Rating: -9

OP Thank you!!

May 2, 2021 at 8:00pm

There are many of us attempting to heal from exactly what you write about. It may be helpful to take a look at codependency and fawning as a trauma response as well. May you heal and find peace. Please remember you are enough, just as you are :)

24 3Rating: +21

pine cones

May 3, 2021 at 12:36am

I pined for 10 years! luckily the pine cones are gettin' real droopy on the tree and there isn't much to lust after anymore.

11 7Rating: +4

Molt down

May 3, 2021 at 2:25am

Inhabiting the shedded husks of others won't drape you in awareness. You probably won't recognize them as they fly past

3 5Rating: -2

Humans...

May 3, 2021 at 10:39am

... tend to pair bond with someone they meet in their teens that's how it worked for almost all of history. I wish you well on your journey to evolve into something that doesn't need to pair bond because corporations provide it with what it needs. There's all this bizarre talk about trauma but apparently it's not traumatic for a pair bond to be broken apart because even though we evolved to use pair bonding to provide basic needs and not just pair bonding but extended families that no longer is required it's sort of like a luxury good and you get to see all of these good families do what they do but how did they get there will they evolved through probation to do that because they recognized it was better than the alternative. Now though you have an endless supply of corporate money corporate grocery stores you don't have to worry about having enough kids to work a farm and take care of you when you're old. Is it better? Most of the accounts I've read of primitive societies repair bonding is how I've described don't describe their existence is awful or horrible they like it but it doesn't allow for much monetization so you know I wish you all the best at forgetting you are humanity and becoming some new sort of creature I see all of you evolving into them whatever they are it's a wonderful thing to watch the caterpillars turn into new butterflies that we've never yet seen.

3 10Rating: -7

Anonymous

May 4, 2021 at 3:46am

I clinged on for 12 years. thanks for bringing some hope

4 2Rating: +2

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