Going to the park

Every day at the park, I sit on my blanket by myself... and people watch. Everyone seems to have friends, except me. I just wonder how they make friends like that. I try to be friendly and open-minded about people and their views, but I always get about as far as a glance and a first judgment from people that results in a poor first impression. What is it about how I look or how I act, I wonder? I feel like this city hates me. Friends are only for people who fit a particular cool niche and monetary/social status.

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silly me

May 16, 2021 at 7:47pm

Yes I totally agree with you 100%

13 9Rating: +4

Tell us more

May 16, 2021 at 8:00pm

Age? Gender? Orientation?

8 14Rating: -6

They are all...

May 16, 2021 at 8:16pm

... extras on the Warner Bros. Movie Studio Set. You are the Talent---they're paid to act that way with one another, you're the star of your own movie! You're an animaniac!

I've been there & it's really difficult.

May 16, 2021 at 9:27pm

Sitting on a blanket in the park alone while look at others congregate & socialize (pre-COVID) is really difficult, because you inevitably compare & despair. There's nothing wrong with you. I'm sure you're great. You just need to work on your self esteem a little. Your best bet would be to try to keep busy, and try to meet people through things like volunteering or an art class. Meeting people during COVID is really challenging, so be patient with yourself. Post COVID, put yourself amongst people, in the middle of things, in the thick of the action, not on the sidelines, watching and wishing. That's not going to accomplish anything. Try with people. When you're volunteering or taking a night class, make eye contact with people. Smile. Take a leap of faith. Oftentimes, people won't respond, or they'll look the other way. But sometimes, you will encounter people who are kind, who aren't glued to their phones, who are participating in real life. Get out there and meet them! Good luck!

40 7Rating: +33

Hugs

May 16, 2021 at 9:56pm

You are loved.

When

May 16, 2021 at 9:58pm

There is a series of problems, one needs to analyze what the common denominator is.

In this case- it's you.

8 62Rating: -54

100%

May 16, 2021 at 10:06pm

I now assume that i'm intolerably dull or a sociopath because no one contacts me anymore. When I see people that have had close friends for years I feel so inadequate. I really try to be nice to everyone I know but I guess nice will never be enough. And so it goes.

It's a Canadian thing

May 16, 2021 at 10:52pm

It doesn't matter where you are.
Unless you are born in the place you live or moved there while really young and had time to establish connections early (when we as young people are more accepting of differences), you will not make friends as easily or even at all.
As people get older, they fill their roster with a finite amount of friends. Once that person's roster is full, they tend not to open up as much. Any friendships made after will be more shallow, less dependable. Money and status will matter more and if you have those there is no guarantee that you'll make friendships with any depth or reliability.
The choices to make friends for the average person without status leaves you with loners, social castaways, poor people and newer residents who more often than not aren't in good jobs or have less money. It becomes harder to find balanced individuals and when you do, they plus you become less accepting of differences the older you get, so those friendships tend to fizzle out over time or remain shallow.
It doesn't matter where you move to. We are not a warm, welcoming people unless you have something to offer. Yes, we're that transactional. It's an uncomfortable truth.
Best to lower expectations and find other ways to cope with being comfortable being your own friend.

Group dynamics

May 16, 2021 at 10:58pm

From the outside, a big group of friends might look enviable and amazing. But having been a part of several big group friends, it’s not all what it seems. Sometimes it’s a dysfunctional group that sticks together out of habit. Sometimes it’s genuinely good. Sometimes you have to play along and tolerate personas that you wouldn’t normally, in order to stay with the group at large. My best memory of a group friend situation was when we were younger, silly, and we had no obligations to anyone. As I’ve gotten older, jealousy comes in and is a factor: money, where you vacation and how often, how you appear as you accelerate in age. So overall, I miss being young and dumb in my group gatherings when the stakes were low.

31 6Rating: +25

Careful

May 16, 2021 at 11:02pm

You may find that once you get these coveted friends, they're not what you imagined them to be from your spot in the park. You sound like a sensitive person, but friends here can be shallow and on the take. You probably know people here tend to stick with those they've known since high school. But be careful if and when you do meet these new friends you long for. They may not be the true blue type you need.

27 7Rating: +20

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