Maybe tomorrow

In the last two weeks I have noticed all of my friends have slowly stopped talking to me or are sending limited responses. I know it's because I have become so negative. All I do is bitch and complain about the horrible crap going in my world at the moment. I have moments of feeling selfish like why can't they be there for me and empathize, give feedback etc.. I realize however that they have their own crap going in in their lives and I am bringing them down. I don't want to push everyone away but it seems that's what I'm doing. The further I push them away the more desperate I become. I hate the unknown. I hate wondering if this is how life will be until the day I die and resenting motherhood. I have a toddler and I'd like to make it very clear that I love her with all my heart and I would NEVER resent her. It is the draining act of being a single parent that feels like a huge weight and is absolutely exhausting. The more I resent parenthood the more guilty I feel and it just perpetuates the negativity. I have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow. I hope it helps. I don't know how to get my friendships back to normal. It feels as though they are so sick of hearing my BS that they're uninterested all together. Sorry for the rant.. I really feel alone. Maybe tomorrow will be better

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One...

May 31, 2021 at 7:10am

... of the worst things that a mother can do is talk about how difficult her children are with other people. It's not going to fix the children and for some reason a lot of women have this idea that they're dissatisfaction in life is due to a lack of bitching. In reality especially is the children get older and you continue this behavior with the parents of other children all it's going to do is make them not want to have your child around because you're inappropriate behavior is reflection on the child. Having children is not easy even with two parents but if you're a single parent well it's going to be very difficult. You can't expect your friends and family to take the place of the conversations you would normally have about the difficulties with your husband. Whatever your reason for not having a husband that's unfortunate but it doesn't change that the appropriate behavior is a stiff upper lip when you're dealing with other people. Any full-time job without relief would become exhausting and that's just the name of the game for being a single parent. In the 1980s and prior there was sort of some suggestion that maybe women would be able to do these things on their own if they had sufficient support whatever that means. The evidence is now in and people who are in there thirties now have been used as one of the biggest experimental interventions ever and the other that says that no single mothers don't do very well compared to the general population of intact families. Whether this is because they don't have a partner or because people who end up single mothers have certain other deficits we don't really know but from the point of view of the best interest of the child it doesn't matter.

A therapist is a good idea but what really needs to be understood is that your friends and whoever else you want to talk to are not there to help lighten your load or let you bitch about your single motherhood that won't be something that you can reasonably expect them to do.

6 18Rating: -12

It’s so hard

May 31, 2021 at 7:22am

Being a parent can be so hard, and being a single parent even harder. It helps if you know other single parents to talk to about your struggles. Have you considered trying to find a support group somewhere? Even online. Being able to vent your feelings in a safe place (sorry, but here isn’t one because you’re likely to get a lot of judgement from people who don’t understand) is very helpful. It’s entirely normal for parents to sometimes feel resentful at the burden they carry. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you resent your child. It means that you are a normal human mother who sometimes wishes she could still have the freedom she once enjoyed before having kids. Don’t beat yourself up too much, but definitely finding a safe place to talk about it is a healthy thing to do. Good luck!

20 0Rating: +20

Ummm

May 31, 2021 at 8:56am

You don't need a counselor. You have everything you need already. You know you bitch and complain and you push people away and you know this drives people away. Stop giving yourself permission to be negative. Focus on the things you do well and try to do them a little bit better, especially social things. Try to remember to praise people and agree with them any chance you get.

6 18Rating: -12

just my 2cents

May 31, 2021 at 9:36am

At least you have some self-awareness about things instead of being that completely self-absorbed person who, yeah, everybody ditches. Friendships are about give and take. If you were my friend a sincere apology would go a long way, and then ask them how THEY'VE been coping. If they need to talk, listen to them. Keep the conversation solely on them and unless they ask how you are, don't talk about yourself. And if they don't respond they way you want, give them some space. Glad you're seeing a counselor. CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) would probably be helpful for you.

15 1Rating: +14

Parents

May 31, 2021 at 11:41am

Love complaining about their lives and their circumstances. Condoms exist. Thank god.

Hey pal

May 31, 2021 at 3:18pm

Being a single parent can be super isolating. The ways you feel are valid and justified. Navigating tough times and friendships can for sure be hard, especially when everyone has been over taxed due to pandemic stress for so long now. I have found that it works best when I share the most with friends with whom I share same/similar problems, which does mean I don't share everything with all my friends, but I do have someone I can share anything with - just what depends on who, if that makes sense? I wonder if you might find it helpful to join some single parent groups to make friends who share your struggles?

16 0Rating: +16

KS

May 31, 2021 at 6:46pm

It sounds like life is really hard right now. Good for you for expressing how things feel for you, and for seeking help with a counselor. Being a single parent can be really challenging and isolating, and everyone needs some extra support at times. Our friends are not always capable of being there when and how we need it, so a counselor is a smart move. Hopefully being able to talk when someone is really listening to you will help give you strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Things won't always be like this. Take good care.

14 1Rating: +13

Share and ask

May 31, 2021 at 7:47pm

I’m a single parent (a solo one too, so 24/7) and this what I’ve learned. Everyone has their own crap, so complaining only makes them wonder why they bother. But sharing what’s going on, without a lot of drama, tends to empower people to want to help. Help is subjective and may not really be practically helpful, but a walk in the park with a friend and your kid is a lot better than being stuck at home ;) The trick to this is that you have set the tone, as your friends literally have no idea what you are going through or how to help.
And you’ve got to ask and listen to their sharing too. It’s not perfect, but it works. Good luck.

6 0Rating: +6

You have

Jun 1, 2021 at 1:29am

crappy friends. You're suffering and where are they?
People have forgotten how to be a friend.

2 2Rating: 0

Stop taking yourself so seriously

Jun 1, 2021 at 7:46am

And in the words of the wise Tati, choices.

1 3Rating: -2

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