Performance anxiety

I want to please my partner so much I lose my arousal from the pressure.

13 Comments

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No problem

May 8, 2021 at 5:00pm

Blue chew

8 4Rating: +4

Find

May 8, 2021 at 5:49pm

a good counselor

12 4Rating: +8

You..

May 8, 2021 at 8:32pm

better pack a vibrator in your pocket at all times.

5 7Rating: -2

A. Dapt

May 8, 2021 at 9:40pm

If you think it’s a performance... that might be the issue. Think of it as a service or task or... just relax!
It’s all in your head. Switch it all up. Music you hate. Lights off. Lights on. I dunno. I’m an incel.

11 5Rating: +6

Anonymous

May 9, 2021 at 8:55am

That sounds frustrating, OP. Sounds like a vicious cycle of anxiety begetting more anxiety. You might need to adjust your mindset away from being so eager to please your partner.

4 0Rating: +4

Brainless

May 9, 2021 at 10:40am

You gotta learn to shut off your brain. Whether you work with a counselor to do it, or do your own research definitely make that effort. You can tell when the other person is deep in their own head during sex, and it doesn't make it fun.

7 0Rating: +7

Normal but

May 9, 2021 at 11:07am

Have you talked to her? I would suspect she doesn’t expect a “performance”. People have sex for a variety of reasons - I would put connection, validation, and pleasure at the top. You can hit all 3 without maintaining an erection at all times. And maybe if you recognize how much satisfaction you’re able to provide independent of a hard dick, you’ll have much more confidence and an easier time staying hard.

16 0Rating: +16

@incel

May 9, 2021 at 3:08pm

involuntary celibate is a pathetic 'pity party' by chicken sh*ts who default from life's lesson plan. Suggest check the teachings "I am master of my fate. I am captain of my soul" in the poem 'Invictus' by William Henley

7 7Rating: 0

"Performance" is such a strange and off-putting idea

May 9, 2021 at 5:31pm

to me, when it comes to any mutual sexual act that isn't literally in front of a camera and specifically scripted for a film (or some kind of ...competition?), or something.

I think communicating with your partner about that sense of anxiety would probably be helpful. I don't think real sex is supposed to be even related to anything like a performance; isn't it about the mutual sharing pleasure, connection, love, intimacy and mergence of being with another?

They probably don't expect or even want a performance from you. At least, I would be thoroughly put off by that kind of strange, alienating mental-emotional tangle in another I'm sharing the closest aspects of my body, mind, feelings and essence with, that's for sure.

7 1Rating: +6

@ @incel

May 9, 2021 at 10:07pm

Let me guess- you life is so perfect and awesome that you feel the need to belittle others. When in fact those who shame others- are the ones with the real problems.

2 3Rating: -1

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