Tired

Maybe its covid or maybe I'm just not " friendly " enough. I've been working at a place for 5 years and I just don't seem to fully click with anyone. I've always seemed to have friends in my previous places of employment , but I just can't seem to make anything stick. Everyone has their cliques and I just kind of float around as the " nice girl ". Im soft spoken at times and try to take a genuine interest in people by asking them questions yet its never really reciprocated. Having lived in this city my whole life and I see why people who have just moved here find it so difficult to make friends. It's just exhausting. Maybe I shouldn't care so much .

18 Comments

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I hear ya

May 28, 2021 at 4:46pm

I’m a man, but I can totally relate to your situation.
I have worked at the same job for almost five years as well and I do not belong to any cliques whatsoever. Most cliques are all about gossip and just can’t learn to think for themselves. They don’t seem to think outside the box. I have a mind of my own and prefer to think around the box. Sure, I may be part of a staffing team but I’m not a “team player” at heart. I hate the word “team player.” It’s a meaningless overused cliche. Deep down inside I’ve always been separate from the rest of them and I’m at my best when I work quietly and independently. Different strokes for different folks.

23 8Rating: +15

2-3%

May 28, 2021 at 5:11pm

Tough to find ppl at work that you genuinely click with. It might be better to just keep your colleagues compartmentalized as such; just ppl you work with, and no more. Finding friends outside the work space is more genuine: those you share the same interests, values, hobbies with. After working for a lifetime, I’ve realized I truly like and want to talk to only 2-3% of those that I work with. Great in a big organization but tough to find people I really like in small companies. At any rate, it’s better to develop friendships outside the work environment. (Work friendships tend to be political)

32 1Rating: +31

It’s a job

May 28, 2021 at 5:33pm

I think that too many people expect to make friends at work. Some do, but lots don’t. It took me years to learn that I’m not cut out for being in any work clique. I’m too independent, and too businesslike. At least that’s what I was told because I’m female, and apparently females are supposed to walk around the workplace spreading fairy dust and cupcakes, and if you don’t then you’re a b***ch. “Just smile more”. Actually got told that during a performance review in which I was also told that my work itself was beyond reproach, and was, in fact, outstanding. I was then regaled with several tales of gossip from other women in the office who had told my boss that I was “too intimidating”. Don’t get me wrong; I was always very nice to everyone, including all of the lower level staff (mailroom, etc). I treat everyone with respect and friendliness. But I’m there to WORK, not make friends, and certainly not to hang out in the lunchroom gossiping about other employees. Once I realized that it didn’t matter if they liked me or not, I was much happier. Your job is just that. It’s not supposed to be your whole life. Make friends outside of work and forget about the cliques.

Anonymous

May 28, 2021 at 5:35pm

I never thought work was a place to make friends. Work is a place where you don't particularly want to be, where you make money to live.

Fuck workmates. So you don't fit in with their cliques - boo hoo.

26 3Rating: +23

Dear It's a job

May 28, 2021 at 9:24pm

I agree one hundred percent with you. People should just do their job and never mind cliques.

8 2Rating: +6

@it's a job

May 28, 2021 at 11:06pm

Yes! Haha. I worked in a female dominated office where they actually wanted us to take turns home-baking cupcakes and bringing them in to share. It's got to the point where competence and efficiency are seen as less important than being a "team player", i.e. a sheep. This leads to groupthink and kills creativity and innovation. People who actually just want to get the job done are criticized and even bullied by the "nice" people. I worked in regional/provincial government offices for 25 years and saw this dynamic play out over and over.

24 1Rating: +23

@It's a job

May 28, 2021 at 11:30pm

Is that what they call cognitive dissonance? Do you expect to get a Nobel Prize for being nice to humans including the poor peasants you bravely had to socialize with? It's hilarious to me when someone has a superior view of themselves yet believe they're the evolved one. Your boss was being professional + PC. In reality I would guess your coworkers said you're stuck up and don't work well with others. Try descending from whatever throne you put yourself on. A job is a job, it doesn't make you better than others.

22 8Rating: +14

You're not missing much.

May 29, 2021 at 2:52pm

Be careful what you wish for. Most social circles are largely gossiping, backstabbing, turning people against one another and forming coalitions to ostracize someone.

13 2Rating: +11

@Cognitive dissonance

May 29, 2021 at 5:47pm

You're the type of coworker "It's a job" is describing, unfortunately.

6 10Rating: -4

@@Its a job

May 29, 2021 at 7:10pm

Typical. The assumption that I’m arrogant simply because I state that I’m very competent, AND I’m female. How dare I? The fact is that I don’t view anyone as beneath me. Unfortunately, in the typical office (I’ve worked in several as a consultant), it isn’t at all uncommon for many people to treat anyone who works in a position that is lower than theirs, like shit. I don’t do that because I don’t judge someone’s value by what they do for a living. My point was simply that I’m a very nice person, as anyone who’s ever bothered to get to know me will attest to. I’m polite and friendly, regardless of what position someone holds. You sound like one of the very people who proudly proclaim that they’re not at all competitive, while at the same time actively comparing themselves and judging everyone around them. I have zero interest in worrying about whether I’m better than anyone else, because I’m much too focused on just doing the best job that I can do. The people who are constantly comparing themselves to others seem to have far too much time on their hands.

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