Good values

I confess that I'm conflicted about who my kid should be allowed to be around. I want to ensure she grows up with good values. I just don't think that the children of wealthy parents are a good influence. I also don't want to interfere in her friendships, but I just don't feel comfortable letting my family be close to them.

12 Comments

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Good luck with that

Jun 17, 2021 at 6:11pm

As a parent of 4 (now all grown up) I can tell you that trying to control your children’s choices in friends isn’t likely going to have the results that you expect. In fact, often it will have the exact opposite effect to what you desire. Not only that, discrimination on any basis, be it racial, sexual orientation, or financial situation, is totally inappropriate. Thinking that you’re not being discriminatory simply because the kids you specifically don’t want them to associate with happen to have wealthy parents is still discrimination, period. A healthy attitude to foster in children is one in which people of all kinds are welcomed. If you do your job right as a parent, eventually your kids will figure out for themselves where they feel the most comfortable. Have faith in your kids! Stay on top of things for sure. Offer them guidance that encourages acceptance of differences, monitor what they’re up to and who they’re choosing to spend their time with, but trying to completely restrict access to certain people isn’t healthy at all. In my humble opinion of course.

16 0Rating: +16

Plant

Jun 17, 2021 at 10:12pm

seeds of doubt to her with the friends that you don’t like
Works like a charm

You are right though
How a kid turns out has a big part on who their friends were

5 4Rating: +1

Values = poor?

Jun 18, 2021 at 5:48am

I know a lot of poor people with shit values. I also know a lot of wealthy people with shit values. I also read your confession and assess that you have shit values. Let kids figure out who they want as friends. There are always unintended consequences when parents try to step in.

13 3Rating: +10

Profiling

Jun 18, 2021 at 8:45am

What a huge judgment. So all children whose parents earn over a certain income should be avoided as some kind of threat. How about judging your kid's friends on an individual basis instead? That's what they want, otherwise, they will be questioning *your* judgment.

14 2Rating: +12

Rich kid, Poor kid

Jun 18, 2021 at 11:19am

I’ve never had a rich friend but my sister did growing up. They took her on trips all over the world and gave her experiences I could only dream of. It was the best friendship she ever had. My sister is inherently selfish and cruel and alienated her friend by trying to be too cool and hang out with the bad kids. Always complaining about being hard done by. Her rich friend is now totally successful and my sister lives in a trailer park in buttfuck USA and has 6 kids. People are who they are.

13 0Rating: +13

Well..

Jun 18, 2021 at 12:14pm

This is one of the reasons I decided to not have children. I like to treat people well and expect the same from others. I don't think you can have control over your world like that if you new purpose in life is to care for your offspring

3 2Rating: +1

It's up to you as a parent

Jun 18, 2021 at 9:00pm

to model the values you wish your family to uphold. A child’s friends can be influential, of course, but it’s the parent(s) the child will ultimately look to for guidance. What’s important to you? What matters in life? These ideals need to be communicated clearly. Do children of upper class & upper middle class parents tend to be bratty? Sometimes. Sometimes they’re just lonely kids whose parents think iPhones & other shiny objects make up for parental attention & affection. I’d take it on a case by case basis. Pay attention to who your child wants to spend time with. But as a commenter noted above, trying to control your child’s friendships is a naïve endeavor. It’s really about your behavior, your choices, how you spend your time, where or if you volunteer, what you say about other human beings that will make lasting impacts on your child. Choose wisely.

7 0Rating: +7

Anonymous

Jun 19, 2021 at 9:09am

If kids don't learn how to think for themselves, and develop their own sense of judgement in regards to relationships with others, then they will become dependant-type adults who form relationships with controlling, manipulative people (like the op).

2 1Rating: +1

Life is like

Jun 19, 2021 at 9:31pm

Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you going to get.

0 1Rating: -1

@Anonymous

Jun 20, 2021 at 6:21am

Nailed it. I am one of those adults whose natural radar for friendships was interfered with by an authority figure when I was a child.

I have been healing over the past several years and am horrified in retrospect by how much manipulation I have let into my life as an adult.

OP, please let your kids make their own friends and learn the natural way what feels good and what they need to let go of.

1 0Rating: +1

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