How do people find partners who care?

Posting here will probably be a bad idea because people here are harsh but I just want to vent :( I have hit my late 20s without ever experiencing a relationship where I’ve felt like I mattered. I don’t know what it’s like to feel cared for but I care for others and give them everything. It is so so hard to keep going when I keep putting love out in the world and not getting it back. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Feeling love is a basic human need and I just don’t know if I’ll ever know what that’s like. As time goes on I feel more and more alone and smaller and smaller and I honestly don’t know if I can carry on living. Thank you for reading

21 Comments

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Keep

Jun 15, 2021 at 1:08pm

Trying.....Not everyone is a user....There are plenty of good people out there.

15 2Rating: +13

Attachment styles

Jun 15, 2021 at 1:20pm

I highly recommend you look up attachment styles, it was illuminating for me. You sound exactly like I did before I recognized my own issue and how to address it.

That said, unfortunately a lot of people ARE assholes happy to take advantage of your efforts.
Just remember, it’s not all people. Don’t give too much too soon, but stay open to possibilities.

20 1Rating: +19

Bad news

Jun 15, 2021 at 1:22pm

Im 40 and single and Im pretty sure that wont change anytime soon. I am done dating here. For some reason I attract the "artist" types who are some of the shittiest people I have ever met. Do yourself a favour: go travel outside of Canada. Meet someone kind and sweet and save your time and money to go see them. People here are not worth it.

Ugh

Jun 15, 2021 at 1:34pm

I hate to say this, but with care, we have to monitor reciprocity and detach from people who only take and aren't ever willing to give back. It's sad, but we live in a society that is so traumatized and so lacking in care and support systems that unmet need - unmeetable need - is everywhere.
Everything that is right now is temporary, and will pass. Please know that you being here, caring and loving the ways you do, matters and makes a difference. You matter. Please reach out before you think about leaving us <3
Access and Assessment in Vancouver is pretty good if a starting point is needed.

17 2Rating: +15

S. Poyldrotten

Jun 15, 2021 at 2:47pm

I found myself at 30 with this problem. Once I get my vaccine I’ll be looking to go international. There’s no one here for me. Everyone thinks the same. It’s gross. Preferably someone who isn’t addicted to their phone, “reality tv”, or still paying off their “psychology major” student loans. Someone who wants to build new. Not “dismantle”.

11 8Rating: +3

@ Ugh

Jun 15, 2021 at 3:09pm

Resonated 100% with your first paragraph. Thanks for putting this into words.

8 1Rating: +7

Anonymous

Jun 15, 2021 at 3:15pm

Kinda feel that too.
Not that I was looking for love because I don't think it's in the cards for me now and
I don't have much trust in people anymore.
But my mother god rest her beautiful soul
always said "never say never ".
So who knows.
You deserve to be loved, everyone does it's part of being human I guess.
When you least expect it " Bam "
You fall in love.
I don't think I have ever experienced true love.
Might be nice :)

6 1Rating: +5

It is better to give AND receive.

Jun 15, 2021 at 3:47pm

I hear what you’re saying and a thought occurred to me. I wonder of it’s possible instead of looking for someone else to help you feel like you matter if there’s a way to bring that feeling around for yourself. This same thing about feeling love. I’m curious if it’s possible to find a way to give that love to yourself. I agree that feeling connection and a sense of belonging is important, it’s also important to be able to find ways to give that to yourself. I wonder if once that happens it’s easier to find the people you’re looking for. The ones who won’t drain you and the ones you won’t feel a need to drain yourself for. Be very aware of that impulse though and figure out why it comes up for you.

13 1Rating: +12

Ive never

Jun 15, 2021 at 4:01pm

had a partner who cared in this city. I miss Montreal girls. They are so fun and hot and soooo good in bed.

3 20Rating: -17

I went through years of dysfunctional relationships

Jun 15, 2021 at 4:53pm

and then thought i better take a one year time-out, that somehow turned into a a ten year stretch of terrible loneliness. I could have played the game and gotten into another dysfunctional relationship but I knew better. Yet i got so terribly lonely that one night i started crazy talking to the wall and 'arguing with god' (not that i know who or what god is) but i had an out-of -body experience where I was able to look at myself acting very strange. I was so shocked about being so sad, I went into deep sobbing crying and I heard a little voice say: "Have you tried asking the Higher Power for what you really need?" I went somewhere in (--------------) call it prayer or invocation or whatever anthropomorphic name us humans come up with. That night i had a dream about a woman and a week later she walked into my place of employment. We've now been together going on 25 wonderful years and have never had a fight.

17 4Rating: +13

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