Is it mental health or real issues that anyone would feel?

I'm stuck in a shitty job in Vancouver. I am severely underpaid for what I do. I look at the real estate situation and feel totally hopeless. My family lives here, but I know that I have to move away to afford any decent life without being up to my neck in a mortgage. I just feel so angry though! The lack of control at my job and in my renting situation makes me feel so angry, anxious, and so depressed. Is this normal? How do people deal with it? I want to know because it feels so bad. I don't know if I can stay in this headspace.... and maybe that's how humans were designed to think? Maybe it's a signal to get out. How do people cope in the meantime though? How do you enjoy life?

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Make your own happiness

Jun 5, 2021 at 12:54am

I'm not from Vancouver originally, and do feel sorry for young people who grew up here and can't afford to live here now. I had to leave my hometown because there were no jobs. It takes a while, but you find somewhere else to settle and you make a life for yourself there. I've been in Vancouver for 30 years, and it's not the same place anyway. I'm going to be moving on soon. I'll bet you could find a smaller city that has the same feel that Vancouver used to have, but is less expensive.

8 0Rating: +8

Anonymous

Jun 5, 2021 at 7:07am

I am in a similar situation. Problems with my job and vancouver feeling no longer like home. I have so much anger inside of me. It comes out during stressful situations at work and even at home towards my SO.

It's not easy but start making a plan towards something even if it's just writing on paper.

12 0Rating: +12

Also sad

Jun 5, 2021 at 9:43am

I dunno. I’m depressed and tear up thinking about it. Stuck here because of my partner’s job and I hate it here so much.

8 0Rating: +8

Anonymous

Jun 5, 2021 at 9:59am

Think about leaving Vancouver behind.

Vancouver is not for you.

Vancouver is for real estate speculators, and is enjoying a bubble for the foreseeable future.

5 0Rating: +5

But

Jun 5, 2021 at 11:29am

I think we’re too quick to label normal human experience as a mental health issue. Everyone experiences sadness, anxiety, anger at some point.

Whether you stay or go is ultimately your decision, my suggestion for coping in the meantime is to start looking for some positives in your life to balance the negative emotions. “I’m angry at the real estate market BUT I’m really enjoying the sunshine today / this cup of coffee / this Netflix series, whatever.” Even if it’s something small, it can help pull you out of the vortex of negativity.

But yeah lots of people feel hopeless about home ownership and general cost of living here. You are definitely not alone.

12 0Rating: +12

change your thought

Jun 5, 2021 at 1:23pm

You're not the only one in this situation, however it is easy enough to get through it. You just need to change your perception. You have a job, and I'm assuming that you probably have a roof over your head if you are typing a confession on this website. The problem is, you see people around you with more things than you have, in that they are homeowners. Maybe it doesn't seem fair to you, but look at what you have. Plenty of people right here in this city can't even afford to rent a home, or eat food on a regular basis. Do you have that?

If you hate your job, all you need to do is find another one. Whether that means getting training to do something else or to just change employers. I'm not saying it's easy, but you have options. If you need a change, make a plan, set a goal, and follow the necessary steps to realize that goal. You can do it!

9 1Rating: +8

Perspective

Jun 5, 2021 at 2:13pm

About a year into my first serious job, I received a performance evaluation from a manager who suffered from severe anxiety and (probably) some depression. He told me, “we’re extremely impressed by you and we have plans for your future”. He then spent the next hour critiquing everything I had ever done wrong from having too loud a voice to being too nice to the staff. I looked up to this person and believed him - that I was inferior in so many ways. I later discussed that performance evaluation with another manager, basically apologizing for how badly I had performed. That manager was horrified. She spent an hour telling me all the things that I had done right, including having a good clear voice and being nice to the staff.

The answer to your question is perspective. Be the second person, not the first. Focus on what you have achieved, who you love, what you have learned, and what you do every day to make the lives of people you care about better. Spend time with good people who lift you up. Give your time to people who need you to lift them up. Try to be less materialistic because you really can’t take any of it with you and, in the end, you will remember and cherish your friends and family and your loves, not whether or not you paid off the mortgage. Perspective is everything. I say that quite often with my very loud voice.

14 0Rating: +14

I had an interesting conversation recently

Jun 5, 2021 at 7:54pm

A friend asked what I would do if I had more money than I could reasonably spend in a lifetime. I started out by saying that I would buy a few small but comfortable apartments in various places that I would like to travel to. She asked me why buy; why not rent whatever you want. And it made so much sense: no upkeep, no responsibility, no hassles. So I realized that my want to own is simply a need for stability. And that opened my eyes to how people (mostly North Americans) put their all into their homes. Instead of an amazing life, they would rather have a pretty house. Makes no sense.
My suggestion is to question your assumptions. Why do you need to buy a place? Why do you need to be in Vancouver?
In the meantime, if you have friends (not an assumption that one can make these days), invest in those relationships. Connection with other people is everything. It's what humans are designed for.

8 1Rating: +7

Use the rage

Jun 6, 2021 at 2:35am

I was in a very demanding job for mediocre pay once. I also hated one colleague very much who I felt was limiting me. Decided to look elsewhere and I actually took a pair of expensive exercise tights ( $200 ) that I could not afford to replace with my current job, and left them in the trunk of the car, during interviews. It sounds ridiculous now when I type it, but the rage I felt when I looked at them pushed me to perform exceptionally well during the interviews at high-profile jobs. The ripped clothing fueled my desire to leave my shitty low paying job very much. And it worked: happy ending to highest paying job I ever had complete with stock options which is enabling me to buy property. My point is to channel that energy and make it laser focused on propelling you to what you want. You can do this. It worked for me and you can do it too.

6 1Rating: +5

Pippa

Jun 6, 2021 at 10:27am

We have been fed a lie and illusion that in order to have a fulfilling life,one needs to own a home but all I see from people I know who own are slaves to a mortgage and their lives are structured around paying off that mortgage and then they'll start living life once they retire and sell.I have never been in a position to buy nor will I ever.Being a renter has its advantages but yes,the cost of living here is outrageous and housing isn't a luxury nor should it be only for the wealthy.Housing is a right for all humans.People I know who own seem to be delaying living their lives and are no happier than me,a renter.While my friends stress about paying their mortgages,I have traveled and try to focus on the good things in my life.That said,the rents in this city have become insane and I know the day is coming when I will be forced to leave as many have already done.There's no quality of life if people are paying most of their income on housing and it isn't going to improve.I have a love/hate relationship with this city but have accepted that my time here is running out.

2 0Rating: +2

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