My so called best friend

Isn’t speaking to me. Their birthday is in a few weeks. I had some time to kill earlier today so I looked at my visa statement from that time last year and figured out how much money I spent on their birthday last year. Between flowers, dinner out, drinks, card and gift it was a fairly good chunk of change. I’m planning to spend the same amount on myself on their birthday this year! Considering that their biggest complaint about me is how selfish I am. Yep, damn straight. I fully intend to be!

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Wow

Jun 18, 2021 at 5:52pm

You were very very generous to your best friend last year! It sounds like they didn’t appreciate your thoughtfulness and spirit. You deserve good things and you’re smart to treat yourself instead. My nature is to give, just as my parents constantly gave to us kids. They taught me to be generous with others even though they didn’t have a lot of money. I have done more than my fair share, gifts, drinks, surprises, goodbye gifts, welcome gifts, mass etc. And it’s been great FOR OTHERS. I’ve given up and I hope people notice I won’t spend a penny on them now, since they will not spend a penny on me. In retrospect it was a colossal waste of my money, my time and my heart. Enjoy your treats fully on glorious you.

11 3Rating: +8

More of “monitoring reciprocity”?

Jun 18, 2021 at 6:33pm

This is certainly along the same lines. I get it though. If you’re always the one being generous and the other person isn’t reciprocating in any way (a VERY important distinction btw), then stopping that generosity is perfectly reasonable. But in my experience I’ve noticed that frequently the people accusing someone of not reciprocating fail to notice all of the things that others do for them. The last guy I dated was a perfect example of that. He only paid attention to what he did. Every penny he spent he itemized in his head (literally) and constantly reminded me of it, but we spent all of our time at my place, and he just took all of what I did and all of what I spent to make it welcoming for him, for granted. The food I provided, the amenities he enjoyed that I paid for, the gas money I spent so that I could do all the driving, etc. On the other hand, I’m not one to pinch pennies and I rarely itemized anything. But after years of the same treatment I began to feel serious resentment and that I was being taken for granted. So I stopped being so generous and I started saying NO and I set serious boundaries. Guess who accused me of being so rude and so selfish? Right. So unless that other person truly did nothing for you, maybe you should take another look at the situation?

16 4Rating: +12

The thing is..

Jun 19, 2021 at 7:27am

There are a ton of people in this world that take others kindness for granted. They are quick to "fufu" people away or (my biggest pet pev) to just not resolve an issue with communication. A conversation could save so many friendships, but people are stubborn.

In the end, the thing to remember that person doesn't get to have YOU in their life, and that is the best part. Because you, (like I) are amazing and a great friend and don't actually deserve to be treated like garbage and disrespected. So with that said, go and enjoy you and then be happy that you don't have to deal with that person anymore :-)

4 2Rating: +2

8 track mind

Jun 19, 2021 at 12:52pm

I have no friends but it's ohhhh kay- I have a multitudinous personality to keep me occupied. Yet not one of them can remember my birthday!

5 2Rating: +3

Sometimes...

Jun 19, 2021 at 10:09pm

...You just got to care for yourself.

7 2Rating: +5

ya

Jun 20, 2021 at 1:46am

happened to me I planned a huge surprise birthday for my best friend a dew yr back. and she shot me down for it. she made fun of me for it and told me she doesn't want to go and she doesn't want to celebrate her birthday ever unless she feels like it. then proceeded to make fun of my other friend as well. then I was so upset Istarted crying then she called my friends and family telling them I had lost it and I needed help....

2 2Rating: 0

@ya

Jun 20, 2021 at 8:45am

Wow.

2 2Rating: 0

Had a friend who a few years back who

Jun 20, 2021 at 10:42am

wrote in their online journal that I was their best friend and it was surprising because we hadn't been friends that long, but nice.
But then awhile later I saw them, on one of their social media sites, referring to a newer friend as their bestie.
(If you wanna skew the definition of "best" and say that it's possible to have more than one best friend, fine, but I'll stick to the real definition)
Also they forgot my birthday (very strange considering they make a point of knowing people's birthdates) or couldn't be bothered even though I'd remembered and $pent a chunk on theirs a few months before.
Also I suspect they were looking for a unicorn setup but I prefer to give & receive undivided attention in bed and am not into fucking friends (and their partners).
There were other ways that they were a bad friend (most friends will help you in regards to getting a date with your crush, they don't make bizarre statements about not wanting to control reality)

So feels OP about feeling used/unappreciated and have an AWESOME time treating yourself on their birthday!
(One question though: How come they aren't speaking to you? You not speaking to them I could understand)

13 2Rating: +11

Last Year

Jun 21, 2021 at 12:34pm

I bought my so called best friend a $200 Crock pot and some other expensive kitchen items as she’d been complaining about her cookware for ages. She was upset about something family related that day so she didn’t really say thank you. She didn’t call me for months afterwards and didn’t even text me happy birthday on mine. Needless to say her “best” friend title has dwindled to acquaintance this year and I got her nothing on her birthday a month ago.

2 1Rating: +1

Friendship

Jun 21, 2021 at 1:16pm

..isn't only about buying stuff for people. I just broke up with a friend who used to give me lots of stuff .. but she'd talk *at* me for hours. She knew nothing about my life because I listened to her for hours and it was never reciprocated. Once she was done talking she was tired and/or had to get off the phone.

Then I'd see her and she'd give me a bunch of stuff and take me out for dinner. I'd rather have true connection than stuff any day.

5 1Rating: +4

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