These friends

The friends that lean on you heavily while going through a breakup, then disappear completely once in a new relationship, can they still be thought of as “friends”? I’ve accepted inconsiderate behavior for years because I was afraid I’d have no friends left if I didn’t, but the pandemic has helped me realize that spending time in my own company isn’t as bad as I’d once thought.

10 Comments

Post a Comment

It’s pretty normal

Jun 17, 2021 at 1:52pm

Although I know that this is going to be an unpopular opinion, I think it’s entirely normal for people to lean on their friends in times of trouble. It’s also entirely normal for people to spend the majority of their time with their SO when they’re in a relationship. The people I know who don’t understand this are typically the ones who either aren’t in a relationship or have never been in one. Definitely people shouldn’t entirely abandon their friends, but most of the mature people that I know understand that the SO comes first. It’s especially true when the relationship is new, because hormones are in play and it’s that period of time when people are trying to find out if the relationship is a keeper. If you’re the perpetually single person with friends who are in relationships, you’ve got to understand that you’ve likely got a much more flexible social schedule than they do. So unless the friend has truly “completely disappeared”, I’d recommend that you relax and perhaps lower your expectations of what a friend is.

9 13Rating: -4

This isn't uncommon...

Jun 17, 2021 at 3:06pm

Life goes on, don't be that needy friend. It's not how often you see each other but how it is when you do. Are they there when you need them. There's more to being a friend than simply seeing each other.

14 3Rating: +11

I can relate

Jun 17, 2021 at 3:31pm

Even worse, I'm falling for them right now.

2 3Rating: -1

Anonymous

Jun 17, 2021 at 4:35pm

Over the years I have "lost" false friends who used me, and toxic family members who were probably even worse - and to tell you all the truth it feels fantastic to be finally free from these losers.

Have also now lived most of my life. The calendar doesn't lie. These days I have my wife, plus very few if any friends since most people I know of any real value have now died. Oh well.

9 2Rating: +7

Anonymous

Jun 17, 2021 at 6:30pm

Welcome to the club

2 1Rating: +1

Kick them

Jun 17, 2021 at 6:51pm

to the curb!! That is certainly not a friend who ditches you as soon as someone else comes along!!

10 1Rating: +9

Anonymous

Jun 17, 2021 at 8:02pm

"Good friends we have, good friends we've lost Along the way,
In this great future, you can't forget your past, So dry your tears, I say"-- Bob Marley song 'No Woman No Cry'

3 2Rating: +1

@I can relate

Jun 17, 2021 at 8:58pm

Don’t be a fool for them. Too many others have already been there as I suspect you already know. It’s NEVER going to change. Some people have made it a lifetime practice to use everyone around them to get their own needs met, without a care for what those people’s needs are, or how much hurt they cause in the process. My ex was a serial user, who constantly imposed himself on his “friends” whenever his latest relationship ended or when he couldn’t be with me for whatever reason. That’s not friendship. Ultimately, our relationship soured when I found my backbone again and started enforcing my boundaries. Hint - if the only time you hear from someone is when they’ve recently broken up, chances are you’re just a handy port in the storm, especially if you’re offering all the amenities they don’t want to pay for themselves (like Wi-Fi and cable, etc). And if you’re afraid to be real with them about your feelings, then you know it’s going to end badly. Don’t let your own loneliness turn you into a victim of someone who doesn’t have YOUR best interests at heart.

8 2Rating: +6

Anonymous

Jun 18, 2021 at 10:55am

Fareweather friends come and go.
Circle of life.
Good friends are hard to find, the ones that will stick by you through thick and thin.
True friendship also works both ways.
Even if your both busy it's the quality of the time spent together not the quantity of time.

4 0Rating: +4

There are people who treat you as a friend

Jun 20, 2021 at 7:03am

and there are people who treat you as some kind of unpaid emotional support staff. The difference is when you need someone to talk to, when you need help of some kind, a friend tries to be there for you. Someone who treats you like staff doesn't try to be there for you. They have better things to do. And you know in your heart of hearts which is which. Which people are true friends you can count on, and which aren't. I suggest you make time for true friends and build up those relationships, and ditch the rest.

4 0Rating: +4

Join the Discussion

What's your name?