Confessions from an Aspie

I was born with Asperger’s syndrome, but somehow I get the feeling that I have more than Autism. Lately I find that my moods tend to change. Some days I’m up and then other days I’m just downhill. I’m beginning to wonder if maybe I must have some kind of mild bipolar disorder or something. It’s a like roller coaster and I feel like I just want to jump off the ride but don’t know how.

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tiredeyes

Jul 28, 2021 at 12:14am

i also am wondering about bipolar disorder. and being on the spectrum, perhaps. there's a part of me that doesn't want to be diagnosed since i already have epilepsy, i already suffer from bouts of anxiety and it feels that if i am further diagnosed, i am simply a failure. i know that it's not true but i cannot help it.

i was down consistently from may to the entirety of june. like a bodily reaction, i sometimes would show up to work in the early morning and cry in the washroom for no reason. after work too. there was a night i bawled for two hours straight. but that was only in june and i have not cried since except in genuine sadness, not without reason.

i ended up in er in june because i had a psychosis and i live alone so it was terrifying and at that time i really couldn't trust myself. during my stay there, they asked me if i had consistently up or down moods, that bipolar disorder is more of a consistent high or irritation. which correlates with my whole may to june deep depression and then when july came, i was suddenly ecstatic. i had vivacity for life. all this contemplating on existence before seemed so distant now.

ultimately, though, i think that there are some important takeaways for anyone dealing with mental issues. i don't know if all disorders can truly be qualified to be classified as a disorder when living has become so stressful, our environmental factors most certainly contribute whether it be the economical strains or the barrage of social media that overwhelms us. another is neurotypicality and that behaviours that stray away from what is socially accepted as normal are deemed to be problematic or disordered. the truth is everyone is different and we need not weed out diversity. lastly, even if we are diagnosed and are certain to suffer from biological hiccups, it doesn't equate to us being a problem. it is hard to separate that sometimes but know that you are not a problem, you are a person dealing with difficulties others do not have to face. be kind to yourself. many days, going to sleep to find the new day is medicine.

8 1Rating: +7

Have you though about this...

Jul 28, 2021 at 4:39am

As humans, very complicated humans, most of us are up and down most of the time, it just you don't see it as others put on a happy face.

Why do people have to be diagnosed with some sort of disorder? The main thing is to eat like it's 1940, sleep a lot and excessive everyday if you can, then maybe, just maybe you will feel normal mental health.

Throw any bad habits, stress, chemical imbalance (that come and go for anyone) into the mix and bam. you're not going to be doing too well. But its all temporary.

The problem is people love to be diagnosed with something and then take a pill and the doctors love to give them too you as they then make money.

95% of us are just fine, we just need to take better care of ourselves and get our shit together.

5 2Rating: +3

Anonymous

Jul 28, 2021 at 7:39am

Hooray for self diagnosis.

6 1Rating: +5

Mood

Jul 28, 2021 at 3:39pm

In the past five years or so I have come to feel strongly that I have been on the spectrum since I was a child. My parents transferred me from elementary school after an injury and as a result I grew up with books and computer screens instead of socializing and had to make new friends. It worked out in many ways and yet I can't help but wonder about that other timeline where I grew up closer, further together with those kids. I've been abandoning friend circles ever since; always traveling, always moving somewhere different.

Mood and emotion truly are a roller coaster, especially in the last year. Especially as an avoidant in a pandemic. Maybe it is time to get diagnosed.

3 1Rating: +2

ur ok

Jul 29, 2021 at 1:25am

it's probably just hypochondria..

7 3Rating: +4

Anonymous

Jul 29, 2021 at 8:19am

Bipolar disorder is a lifelong condition, it doesn't come and go like the flu.

3 1Rating: +2

As someone with a bipolar mood disorder diagnosis...

Jul 29, 2021 at 10:52pm

I tell anyone who remotely suspects that they might have it to seek an assessment by a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist. This is a lifelong progressive disease; early intervention means less disability and lower medication doses in the long run.

I wasn't diagnosed until decades after its onset, so need a lot of meds and still cycle like a spin class. And I wonder about the things I could have done over the years if all my energy weren't dedicated to managing my own emotions.

Good luck and take good care of yourself! :)

5 3Rating: +2

Ummm

Jul 30, 2021 at 12:22pm

Any kind of social impairments can be stressful. Masking, that is trying to pass as normal, is exhausting as is the stress of conflict if you stop trying. Best thing to do is google "autism bc" to find an organizations that deal with this. It's good to meet up with like-minded folks on reddit or wherever. Lots of people struggle like this and they can support each other.

3 1Rating: +2

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