Failing at love

Life's been good to me, easier then most. People know me as the man that has it all. I look good on paper. Sad to say no takers for longterm. I'm never alone alone, I always score mindless dating, nothing substantial to lift my spirits, Im beginning to see why..Ive messed up any good healthy possible relationship. When certain connections dont materialize the way I planned for whatever reason, I flashback and it infuriates me..in that moment Im consumed by seething rage and bitterness to demean and mess with women I anticipate will reject me any way I can, their friendships, relationships, confidence, career, nothing is off limit until I push them away for good. I let my anger at past opportunities I was rejected get the best of me. If only I didnt let my past make me that way and told them how I felt..But what did I do? Childishly pick them apart to avoid thinking on my pitiful issues, focus my anger on them and resort to games instead of focusing on me. I want a do over , apologize and do better, .. I feel a heaviness I cant escape..I know Im one of the lucky few who didnt lose anything over the pandemic.. that can change any day and I hate to say that day is getting closer. I put on a good game but i don't like what I see in the mirror.. I look smaller and smaller. I fear what I tried to avoid is catching up to me. ..

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Let it catch you

Jul 19, 2021 at 8:23am

Then after you push back wait for it to pull you. Repeat

3 3Rating: 0

I like your honesty

Jul 19, 2021 at 8:29am

Use the Biggie principle: “if you don’t know, now you know.”

Even if the truths are uncomfortable, it’s altogether a good thing that you're uncovering more and more about how you tick. That’s what life is all about, and is further than many are willing to go.

Emotional flashbacks are legitimately tough to override. But at least naming what is happening can give you something to research so you can understand yourself better, be more compassionate with yourself in the context of what has happened in the past, and work on observing and rewiring your responses.

Good luck, OP. Remember that nobody’s perfect and we’re all figuring it out as we go. Let’s be good to each other in the process.

10 4Rating: +6

If you're not already in therapy,

Jul 19, 2021 at 11:10am

you need to find a therapist. If you're already in therapy, you need to find a new therapist. Words like "rage" "bitterness" "heaviness" -- these matters simply aren't solvable on your own. They could lead to more harmful behaviours toward yourself or towards others. You already know you're trapped in a dysfunctional cycle in your relationships with women, so kudos to you for having that self-awareness. Dysfunction exists for a reason. It serves a purpose. You need to understand what's driving these behaviours. "Nothing substantial to lift my spirits" -- this suggests the burden of responsibility for your "spirits" lies with women, which is incorrect. I highly recommend you step back from dating or casual encounters for the time being, until you can find a therapist, begin working on the issues you've stated here.

18 4Rating: +14

Us Humans

Jul 19, 2021 at 11:51am

are social creatures. We are not like some solitary creatures (ie. mountain lions or many bird species) who only come together once a year to mate & then they remain apart. Us Humans need to live in families and families of families called tribes. But for whatever reasons we've entered the 'Brave New World' (or should that more aptly be called - the Cowardly New World') where the extended family got reduced to the nuclear family (they came up with that name at the same time as Heroshima/Nagasaki) and then reduced to the single parent family and now sadly reduced to many many throw-away-kids with no parent ... and so pathetically going in the direction of test-tupe no-parent children. Ok that's my blah blah blah ¢9 worth for the day ... but on the hopeful side to those who are feeling lonely and hopeless. KEEP HOPE ALIVE ! Many find help in those few rare faith patterns (ie churches) that are not $ocial Control . Others find help in joining legit volunteer groups helping others in need. There is always a way. Don't give down. Find you way UP.

6 5Rating: +1

Damn

Jul 19, 2021 at 11:56am

It’s like Dorian Grey, but written by Cosby.

3 6Rating: -3

"American Psycho" vibes

Jul 19, 2021 at 1:10pm

Just sayin'

The women...

Jul 19, 2021 at 1:24pm

... pick the men. Neil Cassady said that if you want to be loved, be lovable. It's not that hard. Unless the research is true---economic success does not necessarily mean you are very loving.

"There's room at the top they are telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill" (Lennon, Working Class Hero)

So, now you are at the top, you just have to be kind =]

7 4Rating: +3

You don’t need love

Jul 19, 2021 at 1:31pm

You ought to get yourself some psychotherapy ASAP.

9 9Rating: 0

Errr

Jul 19, 2021 at 2:29pm

Hopefully the women you confused know it's got nothing to do with them. If they're anything like me... They all got therapy.

8 6Rating: +2

Remember guys...

Jul 19, 2021 at 2:37pm

Before you point the finger and demonize this one person for being honest about their sith lord side, consider that a lot of the things OP is saying are operating subconsciously in many people, relationships, and systems.

Think about how rage, bitterness, and childish competition is the unspoken driving force underlying social media, for example.

Ask yourself: Do these things exist inside of you too, even on a micro scale? Does society in some ways encourage us to dismantle others so that we can maintain a certain arbitrary status?

10 5Rating: +5

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