Growing apart

I have a friend who hasn't had a job in a long while. I try being there for him through his depression but it seems like there's a lotta other issues he's not wanting to address. Lots of people I love live with depression, out of all of them he's the first to get up to the things he does. It's not a competition, I'm confused is all! I feel like a terrible friend for saying it but I'm reaching my limit with him. Hell if it doesn't bother me that I work tirelessly to fund his online bigotted misogyny. I have women friends and family I love that grew closer after the Pandemic with. I wanna be there for them in meaningful ways, then I've gotta hear and support his constant tirades, I'm wiped out! There's tons of help and resources I show him but he never wants to try any of it that will help him. He's confined to his computer and phone all day writing toxic garbage. Does anyone have any suggestions?!? I feel like a bad friend but it's wearing me down and poisoning my other relationships and dating options. I don't know how much more of it I can take. Thanks for listening.

16 Comments

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Anonymous

Jul 22, 2021 at 2:53am

People don’t change unless they want to and are committed to doing the work. It sounds like your friend isn’t quite there yet. Take care of yourself and your own life. You can still be there for him, but I wouldn’t expend too much energy on his recovery until he’s ready to do so.

15 1Rating: +14

Yes, I have a suggestion

Jul 22, 2021 at 8:05am

Move on.

15 1Rating: +14

Is this a real feud?

Jul 22, 2021 at 8:16am

Or is it more of a wrestling feud?

4 1Rating: +3

Weird

Jul 22, 2021 at 9:19am

I have a similar friend who hasn't worked in a long time, he spends waaay too much time on the internet and reddit forums that talk about conspiracy theories. He clearly hates women judging by some of the comments he's made. The problem is, I am a woman and I can't deal with listening to this stuff. Apparently I'm "different" than other women, which is not a comfort. I have been friends with him a long time and he wasn't always like this. It's really sad and I don't know what to do.

13 0Rating: +13

Pressures are obviously increasing in these TiMeZ

Jul 22, 2021 at 11:14am

People in my condo building who used to be friendly are generally acting strange and some are escalating tensions and squabbling like hell. I saw in the newz yesterday that there were 100 violent incidences on board commercial airplanes last week. Hmmmm whatever is going on, for myself I'm trying my best to remember the teaching: "Opportunity in adversity " and I saw a quote from the wonderful philosopher Joseph Campbell the other day: "Its by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble there is where your treasure is to be found." ........... OCM Sto:lo Coast Salish salutations

5 1Rating: +4

To sit or stand up

Jul 22, 2021 at 11:35am

Odd doesn't sound like much of a friendship, buddy strapped to his computer all day long being toxic. He sounds like a real fun friend !
Maybe that's his mental therapy to getting thru life now.
Leave him where he sits cause only he can get up out of that chair.
Join the real world, but what's true reality anyway ?

6 1Rating: +5

Gerald

Jul 22, 2021 at 1:55pm

Sounds like an incel who might get violent someday soon. Back away fast.

16 0Rating: +16

Sometimes what looks like friendship is enabling

Jul 22, 2021 at 2:36pm

Your friend has some very unhealthy and destructive thought patterns, and he's feeding them with online activities. Respect the fact that he's an adult and tell him that there is a problem. By supporting him as things are, you're allowing him to make himself more isolated and miserable.

8 0Rating: +8

I applaud you

Jul 22, 2021 at 2:44pm

for hanging in there as a friend. Being a friend to a mentally ill person is challenging, and most people bail. It says a lot about you that you’ve chosen to stay in this friendship and try to be supportive to this person. Having said that, there’s a difference between mental illness and inappropriate/offensive behavior. Spewing out hate, misogyny, & “toxic garbage” is symptomatic of someone who is filled with overflowing pain & self-loathing. He needs professional help, bottom line. If I were in your shoes, I would try to persuade your friend to seek out professional help immediately. If he chooses not to, you may have no other choice but to distance yourself from this person for the sake of your own mental health and social life. Your relationships, your dating options, and your emotional/mental balance are important. Best of luck.

14 0Rating: +14

@ Pressures

Jul 22, 2021 at 3:16pm

I've noticed this recent trend as well, finding both myself and others more triggered and squabbly than usual. It is definitely prime time for shadow work. Thanks for sharing this quote!

1 0Rating: +1

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