I'm trying my best to quit self-sabatoging

and slow progress has been made. Less but persistent. A new beginning always helps but the past that can't be revisited permeates me with scars. I don't know how to be vulnerable and trust. I'm too used to people being obsessed with me, like stalkers or men who just want to fuck me. They cast me as a "manic pixie dream girl", the television trope that's only serving to aid the protagonist's growth, but it's quite literally all the components of nature and nurture that make up me that has made me unusual, I'm truly milquetoast internally. And I'm also still a person, not a trope. So I'm not used to what's normal, when people take it slow and are open to where it takes them. I wished he was vulnerable with me but I guess I wasn't with him either. It is just unfortunate to collect all these scars, I think someday I might become one big scar by my own hands.

14 Comments

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Anonymous

Jul 23, 2021 at 5:52am

Sound like you are fine to me, it's the other people that are trying to sabotage you,
with their misguided thoughts.
That will never happen in a trillion years. Lol
People can think what they want and they bloody will but it doesn't mean it's true or that you need to believe it.
You know who you are and love yourself.

7 8Rating: -1

Never let the BaSe-TurDz get you down

Jul 23, 2021 at 12:59pm

Life is to live ... Suggest get into a good woman's self defence class where they teach both the physical and the inner-life self discipline.

6 6Rating: 0

Pixie stick

Jul 23, 2021 at 1:45pm

Agree with Anonymous. I advise anyone who talks about self-sabotage and shoulders a lot of blame to look around them and honestly assess whether sabotage is a team sport.

As you have alluded to here, living out the MPDG narrative can really mess up our perceptions of what we are responsible for and what other people are responsible for in terms of self-development and healing.

"I wished he was vulnerable with me but I guess I wasn't with him either." Don't blame yourself, girl. I think a lot of us are not used to what is "normal" these days in terms of getting romantically close to someone because dating culture is so fucked up.

You don't have to be vulnerable with or trust anyone by default, especially if they haven't done the work to earn your trust. Focus on being a good friend to yourself first and foremost and the rest will gradually fall into place.

12 8Rating: +4

Hot girls don't get sympathy

Jul 23, 2021 at 6:25pm

Lonely at the top, isn't it?

9 9Rating: 0

Anonymous

Jul 23, 2021 at 6:35pm

Ha ha ha half way through reading this I could tell you are a hot young woman who hasn't got any kind of worries like many of the rest.

All the best! You have lots going for you!

10 9Rating: +1

Anonymous

Jul 24, 2021 at 7:19am

Too many buzz words to take seriously

12 4Rating: +8

Romanitc Drama

Jul 24, 2021 at 9:20am

Don't pretend to love people you don't trust because they could misdiagnose the fake emotions that you portray and end up trusting you in which you'll betray their most vulnerable trust by not trusting them.

17 4Rating: +13

Op @Anonymous(1) @Pixie Stick

Jul 24, 2021 at 10:27pm

Thank you. Your kind words are heard and appreciated. Humanity is muddled in the grey and it is near impossible to make clarity out of it. I think, perhaps it would be easier to blame myself and settle but I do think I've removed baby tumours for the better rather than the worse, it's simply disheartening to think that I may be alone for that. "That" being a formed unreliant person with unforeseen history that is a poor, both financially and by happenings, childhood and presently with a dysfunctional family that they love and work with, and I wouldn't trade my folks for anything. As flawed as they are, they've dealt with a wealth more complexity and curveballs than folks will ever see and thus, many folks will never see themselves as problematic because they've never had to face any real thing. They've never had their character challenged, to become melded by it. That is the more difficult truth that I am sometimes perfectly content with but occasionally doubtful, that I've sabatoged any pleasant outcomes. I must accept the truth and it might be to go it alone entirely.

2 10Rating: -8

Self sabotage?

Jul 24, 2021 at 10:39pm

I don't get it. Is that like tongue studs and shit? Bike helmets?

3 2Rating: +1

@OP

Jul 25, 2021 at 4:05am

Are you a bot? This reads like a computer science experiment.

14 0Rating: +14

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