Life isn’t Fair

From a very early age, a burden was placed on me to break my family out of the poverty cycle. My whole life, the messaging I received from my parents was to get good grades, go to University and get a good job. Well, I’ve done all that but somewhere along the way I forgot to include fun, joy, dating, enjoying my youth, and adventure into my life. I’m now in my early 30s, with a good career, but one that has left me feeling burnt out. I’m single with no dating experience, and don’t know how to have fun. My mental health is awful despite therapy. I make good money (relatively) but not enough to afford a home, especially on a single income. My face and body are starting to show the effects of aging, and I can’t seem to attract a partner for the life of me. Meanwhile, the women I went to high school with, who never studied hard, got to enjoy their youth, then they married rich and started a family, and are now living a great life without having to do all that schooling and ladder climbing for a career. I’m trying to remain positive, but some days, it just gets to me. I wish I could go back in time!

13 Comments

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Title is right

Jul 19, 2021 at 7:17pm

The other comparisons are meaningless. You don’t know the reality of the projection you are making onto these ‘carefree women.’ I have nearly the same story as you. The biggest key for me is to learn boundaries and about myself after having met others needs for my whole life. It’s not perfect but you find your way.

15 7Rating: +8

Me as well

Jul 19, 2021 at 7:27pm

Done with this life.
Tonight I am going to meet my mom in heaven.
Goodbye cruel world goodbye !
Brooklyn Bridge
We all tried our very best but evil does prevail.

2 12Rating: -10

Blargnargbarg

Jul 19, 2021 at 8:53pm

“Comparison is the thief of joy”. Don’t worry about those who seem to have it easy. Things are not always as rosy as they seem. Take time to reward yourself and find your own joys. You are still young- I worked all through my twenties and was still single in my thirties. Thought I would never find love- then bammo! Do something for yourself every day and little by little the smiles will come.

20 1Rating: +19

Remember This One Thing.

Jul 19, 2021 at 9:02pm

Do NOT compare yourself to others. It is bad for your mental health.

21 1Rating: +20

Tiger Mom

Jul 19, 2021 at 11:15pm

Let me guess, you have immigrant parents don't you? Are you first generation like me?
Yes, parents like ours usually come here with a single minded purpose to make sure their kids get perfect grades, go to university, and get a high-status, high paid job. This was not my personal experience (my mom obsessed over religion more than grades) but I've heard plenty of horror stories of parents who never let their kids do anything but study. No parties, dates or anything. It often works out: I went to school with a girl who got a scholarship to UBC and became a doctor. Mission accomplished. She has a great life. My problem ended up being that I gambled on getting a liberal arts degree and trying to become a teacher. Uh, I might as well have tried to get into the NHL. I'm older than you OP, and I've never dated either. At least you make good money and have a good career. I don't, and neither do a lot of other people. Take solace in the fact that you're still ahead of many of us. I hope some good luck comes your way and things turn around for you.

21 2Rating: +19

Anonymous

Jul 19, 2021 at 11:15pm

Reminds me of an encounter in an Amsterdam bar.

There was this dude in his late 50s who had spent his entire life working for an insurance company in Chicago while living the whole time with his mother. He was just finishing off the only vacation he had ever taken in his entire life away from her - 2 weeks.

15 1Rating: +14

So now what?

Jul 20, 2021 at 12:03am

Now that you’ve identified the problem (ie; a lack of balance in your life) what are you going to do about it? The comparisons you’re making with these other women are useless, because you really don’t know everything about their lives. They all just had fun and married rich? That seems pretty unlikely. Chances are they’ve all had their own struggles and challenges just like most of us do. So it’s your life. If you’re not happy with how things are, the only person who can change it is you.

22 2Rating: +20

Been there!

Jul 20, 2021 at 10:39am

You’re not in the worst spot, being educated, employed, and self aware. Changes don’t happen unless you realize you need to make them, and you are having that realization now.

Thankfully you are not old. Raw and inexperienced with trendy outfits, sex and dating (what I still call The White People World) but that shit ain’t rocket science believe me.

But you have to make time for yourself. With your cultural conditioning, you’re going to have to fight against the fear that you’re wasting time, dishonouring your ancestors and all that traditional bullshit that the whites think is so cute and admirable because they’re tourists.

I find it helped me to realize that recreation is for your own health and well-being . You can’t live on pure fun anymore than you can live on pure medicine, but it’s dumb to refrain when you need it.

And sister you need it!

9 4Rating: +5

It's never too late

Jul 20, 2021 at 12:54pm

You sound a lot like me, and all I can say is it's never too late to course correct. I have spent most of my 30s getting in touch with who I am - what I like, what I enjoy - and learning how to have fun, and it has improved every area of my life, even my productivity and work life. Start by working on identifying things you like - songs, activities, whatever. Spend time on those things. Keep at it. This is also a great way to find love, as in pursuing what you like, you'll find others with similar likes.
Only shallow af people are going to care if you look as "young" as your bougie counterparts. We all age. Beauty is so much more than skin deep.
Wishing you well.

5 0Rating: +5

Cody P.

Jul 20, 2021 at 3:13pm

Well then, if you're SWF or SAF, this SWM would likely date you anyways cuz you I know you just need some craxy fun in your life.

And the easiest WAY to do that is to ACCEPT the interest of the nearest guy that wants/desires you. Sooooooooooo again, just ACCEPT the interest of an interested guy and just say YUP, let's go out for a while on a real date Today or tomorrow!

Take HIM out for coffee and cake! Spend the 15 bucks and say I wanna see if we click, so lets go and find a quiet spot!

That's all you have to do! and THAT is the starting point to a LESS dreary life! Someone to date and do things with! After that, you just have to figure that out yourself! Or buy a Van together and travel all across Canada to see how you click in a small space!

2 5Rating: -3

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