Painful stigma.

I've lost over a decade to depression. I literally hide myself away in my parent's house. I've tried several different medications, therapy, intense cardio, being out in nature, got a dog, meditation, healthy eating, vitamins, minerals, herbal supplements. I'm so tired of trying, I'm so exhausted from fighting. And there's noone to tell because the stigma & judgment are extreme. 

20 Comments

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I hear ya

Jul 16, 2021 at 3:11pm

The only solution I’ve found is to embrace depression, let it run its course in its own time, and listen to the important information it has to tell me.

16 3Rating: +13

The right therapist

Jul 16, 2021 at 5:54pm

I’ve suffered from repeated bouts of depression for my entire (almost 7 decades) life. Just when I think I’ve found something that works, (all the things that you’ve mentioned) it rears its ugly head again. But recently I’ve found a trauma therapist that has truly helped. I’ve seen countless others that really didn’t do much for me, but this one; focusing entirely on the childhood traumas that I experienced (sexual, physical, and emotional abuse from multiple people for my whole childhood), and she was the one person that really got it. I feel awakened, and although I’m not “fixed”, at least I understand where these feelings are truly rooted. So now I feel like I have hope. Close to the end of my life, but better late than never!

17 3Rating: +14

wibble-eyes

Jul 16, 2021 at 5:55pm

I was diagnosed at 18 with depression. On and off therapy and Meds for many years, though thankfully off meds the past 5 years.

You are not alone. Depression means you focus on what you perceive as negative interactions, but they may not be. Its so easy to keep digging down into a feeling we believe is our personality .

I think you sound like you are on the right path. I've found maintaining health, no social media, minimal drinking, all the usual suspect very helpful, actually the most surprising to me was wht I eat. Reducing foods that cause inflammation really did / does help me. easily looked up what they are. And being reasonable with it. Eating socially often means eating / drinking the 'wrong' things. Go easy on your self, allow that and dont worry about it for that night,

Additionally , not all meditation is the same, if one type didnt work, try another. I've found mantra meditation ( so essentially TM without the financial outlay) more effective for me than Mindful , especially with a racing mind, but thats me , it may be different for you, so if something isn't working, try a variant. same with fitness, you mentioned cardio, maybe team sports with the obvious benefit of the team side of it

We are all made up from millions of different experiences throughout our lives, so one size fits all is not a helpful approach generally, as if one doesn't respond as 'one should' it can be internalised as another example of being a failure. This is utterly destructive and anyone who tells you ' those or that' is what you need to do, politely pass on. Maybe less politely if the 'this or that ' involves you handing over a significant pile of money.

But there are so many options now, so many more than the bad of days of being given a pill and the side effects being a necessary evil.
I know people who have used a free ( very silly looking, but effective) thing called EFT tapping, others who have used Psylocybin ( more controversial but growing evidence can be extremely effective)

But there are lots of options, and as someone who lived in the fog for such a long time, please believe me that you are not alone, no matter how alone you feel, suffering is something we all do in silence, what may appear to be ' everyone' else is so together and unburdened is as untrue a thought as possible, some people hide it really well.

I wish you all the very best

22 4Rating: +18

Which...

Jul 16, 2021 at 6:25pm

... vitamins and minerals and then what amounts? When in doubt double the dose.

3 4Rating: -1

Microdose?

Jul 16, 2021 at 6:27pm

Have you explored microdosing shrooms with an experienced therapist schooled in this field?

11 5Rating: +6

Question

Jul 16, 2021 at 6:50pm

What are you getting judged/stigmatized about?

6 8Rating: -2

Are you positive it’s depression?

Jul 16, 2021 at 7:47pm

Have you ruled out other possibilities like ADHD? In North Van the Hope Clinic provides treatment with a Dr referral for ages 19-35. I may give it a go before I age out. All the best.

8 5Rating: +3

Anonymous

Jul 16, 2021 at 7:56pm

Paradoxically hiding in your parents house will probably only exacerbate the depression long term. You gotta get out there and make a change!

19 5Rating: +14

I second

Jul 16, 2021 at 11:10pm

Trauma therapy. Compassionate inquiry (Gabor Mate) has helped immeasurably. Also, who is your prescribing doc? Someone versed in pharmacology or a GP? If the latter, ask to be referred to a mental health specialist. It makes a huge difference. Also, look into psychedelic therapy. You are not alone. So many of us struggle. I hope some of this helps.

9 1Rating: +8

KSJ

Jul 16, 2021 at 11:27pm

I am so sorry that you are struggling. Depression is consuming and brutal. I hope that you find a path that helps you cope. I’ve accepted that it’s something I’ll probably be working on for the rest of my life, but a combination of therapy, cutting out drinking, mindfulness, meditation and occasionally microdosing magic mushrooms has finally given me some control over my life again.

9 2Rating: +7

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