Seeing random women cry

Whether it is New Years morning and everyone is sleeping, or in an ally outside of Granville strip, I occasionally see a woman cry by herself. I cannot imagine how terrible it is to break down and cry somewhere in public by one’s self. I wonder it is socially acceptable for a guy to console a random woman in the streets. My gut says yes, but I suspect there could be a lot of “get the fuck away from me” curveballs too.

25 Comments

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Town cryer

Jul 16, 2021 at 3:06pm

Hey friend — thanks for taking pause to wonder if it is okay to check in on someone who is crying.

Speaking for myself only here: I am someone who tries very hard to suppress strong emotions but isn’t always successful at stuffing them down, so I prefer for people to give my shattered dignity a substantial berth and ignore me when I’m crying in public.

However, not everyone is the same and some might appreciate the kindness of strangers when the tears are flowing. I’d be curious to hear what other people think about this.

22 3Rating: +19

Check in quick but move on

Jul 16, 2021 at 4:38pm

I am no stranger to public crying, and I wouldn’t want anyone, of any gender, stopping to “console” me. Maybe a quick hand off of a tissue, (yes! thank you!) but a stranger trying to get all up in my business? No. Grief and depression happens in public, because even though I might want to hide away, life and it’s various tasks still need to keep going. You could even make it worse by saying “it can’t be that bad” or “it will get better”. A tissue and/or quick “can I do anything to help?” could be ok, but if you get a “no” or a negative head shake, keep moving. It’s hard enough to break down in public, it’s worse when people stare or make a fuss.

15 5Rating: +10

I wonder if it's socially acceptable

Jul 16, 2021 at 4:41pm

To console a guy crying on the street

18 6Rating: +12

I’ve been

Jul 16, 2021 at 4:43pm

The woman crying in public. A simple “is there anything I can do for you?” from a distance wouldn’t be out of line. Speaking from the perspective of one who has had men use “wanting to help” with an ulterior motive, please be genuine with yourself about why you want to insert yourself into a painful moment. If it’s genuine compassion, wonderful. Proceed accordingly :)

26 5Rating: +21

Stay Away

Jul 16, 2021 at 5:17pm

No point in risking some harassment accusations,police, etc

There's nothing wrong with crying..

Jul 16, 2021 at 5:40pm

..and I don't feel bad for crying in public. I'd also be okay with someone checking on me.

19 2Rating: +17

same here

Jul 16, 2021 at 5:43pm

best/only thing to do is ask from a distance first, if there's anything you can do. IE. hold space, bring water,offer smoke or leave them be. remember there is douches out there that capitalize on people in those states. understand the walls & guard is up on red alert. don't crowd or insist anything.

...& if you get told off - send compassion & let them know they aren't alone. walk

12 4Rating: +8

It won't hurt

Jul 16, 2021 at 6:28pm

To ask that person if they are ok. Just that simple act will go miles.

18 3Rating: +15

Amanda

Jul 16, 2021 at 6:52pm

I think if you were to kindly ask the individual if they wanted to talk or even if you could just sit with them so they weren’t alone that would give them the opportunity to say thank you yes or no I’d like to be alone. Sometimes just the gesture goes a long way, knowing that you are seen. I will never forget years ago when I was a teenager and going through my parents divorce amongst all of the years of dysfunction I broke down one night, went for a walk somewhere I didn’t think a soul would hear me and I just let out all my tears. All of a sudden I see a woman’s head pop around the corner from the bench I’m sitting on and she just asks me if she could please come and sit with me for a little while. We ended up talking about all of what was going on at home and she shared her own similar experiences and told me where she worked (it was a little town) and that I could pop in any time any day if I needed to talk or just didn’t want to be alone. I will remember her always, and it warms my heart knowing that there are people with good intentions out there without an agenda. You never know how much someone may need that comfort, or even just acknowledgement.

17 4Rating: +13

Amanda

Jul 16, 2021 at 6:52pm

I think if you were to kindly ask the individual if they wanted to talk or even if you could just sit with them so they weren’t alone that would give them the opportunity to say thank you yes or no I’d like to be alone. Sometimes just the gesture goes a long way, knowing that you are seen. I will never forget years ago when I was a teenager and going through my parents divorce amongst all of the years of dysfunction I broke down one night, went for a walk somewhere I didn’t think a soul would hear me and I just let out all my tears. All of a sudden I see a woman’s head pop around the corner from the bench I’m sitting on and she just asks me if she could please come and sit with me for a little while. We ended up talking about all of what was going on at home and she shared her own similar experiences and told me where she worked (it was a little town) and that I could pop in any time any day if I needed to talk or just didn’t want to be alone. I will remember her always, and it warms my heart knowing that there are people with good intentions out there without an agenda. You never know how much someone may need that comfort, or even just acknowledgement.

6 6Rating: 0

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