I'm an aging man with a personality disorder. I like to imagine I'm special, I know now that couldn't be further from reality. I blame it on my mom, we had what therapists called, a dysfunctional family dynamic. Years later, I have all these patterns of blaming people for the things I'm doing. I got away with this very easily in the past, lately, it doesn't work the way it used to. I get called on this quite a lot which sends me down into a spiral. I end up in a drunken stupor embarrassing myself. I wish I had some way to stop it from happening, it is what the condition is. I really have nothing to complain about in comparison to people that are worse off. I'm just so bored with nothing to offer, who am I kidding, I'm jealous as hell, I have to put the people around me in a slump. It makes life a little brighter for me.