Parent tension

As a 30-year old I feel a bit ridiculous sharing this, but does anyone else of a similar age find their parents challenging to deal with? I love mine very much, and I’m thankful for their kindness in my life, but it’s like they have no clue what difficulties people my age face. They think I’m being cheap if I don’t do things as fancy as they can, and seem not to understand that I can’t easily save a significant chunk of money every month. For the record, I’m not trying to do a millennial - boomer complaint. I live on my own, am financially independent, and work a full-time job. I’m content and proud of what I do have for myself; rent a comfortable place, perform well at my job, healthy friendships & hobbies. I love them and want to stay in a good relationship, but I’m tired of being judged for not having significant finances to throw at life, and meeting their idea of what success should be (my own home, marriage, further education, etc.). Do they not remember being 30 at all?! I don’t want to avoid seeing them when I can, but it’s getting harder to stay happy when in their company.

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My...

Aug 2, 2021 at 6:01pm

... parents don't care what I do at all. If I talk to my dad about my problems he's being a street drug user for years he's literally suggested why don't I try heroin and then I'd be less whiny. I think they're just pushing you to succeed and I know the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence but my God I can only imagine what it's like to have parents who care if I succeed.

6 1Rating: +5

Boomer parent here

Aug 2, 2021 at 6:03pm

I'll tell you exactly what I tell my 31 year old daughter when she shoves a bunch of patronizing and condescending bullshit like your rant in my face. You are not the first 30 year old that I've met and you weren't the first 5 year old I met 25 years ago when you were 5. Grow the fuck up already. I'm still in your corner.

5 19Rating: -14

Take care of

Aug 2, 2021 at 6:24pm

yourself and limit contact. I had the same issue with my parents, nothing I did was ever good enough for them unless I agreed to become a doctor like my dad and win the lotto and have a rich husband and a bunch of kids!! I subsequently became depressed and for a while couldn’t even function because I just felt so micro-managed and scrutinized with these ridiculous expectations. They expected so much from me but wouldn’t help me at all with anything, unless I agreed to enroll in med school. I’m in my thirties too and just starting to get through to them that this isn’t fair or appropriate. Only because I repeatedly went away and had limited contact for a while. It’s not ok for parents to expect so much, if you are happy then they should be happy for you!!

12 2Rating: +10

First thing

Aug 2, 2021 at 7:10pm

Life here was completely different when they were 30 so no comparison is possible in that regard.

14 1Rating: +13

Yes

Aug 2, 2021 at 10:12pm

I’m 50 and my parents have a lot of idiosyncrasies that I tolerate because obviously I love them and they are getting old. My mom will freak out if I walk into her place with a Starbucks coffee cup in my hand. “How much was THAT?” (I don’t drink bucks very often and going out there I get tired) if I go to lunch with them, they complain both of the food and the menu prices. (Us kids always pay for the whole meal) instead of asking anything about what we did on our one vacation of the year, they are hyper focused on the amount we spent on hotels. Needless to say, their behaviour solidifies my fear of being old and broke. I will do whatever I can to not spend my end of days obsessing about money or lack of it. (I gave them money every time I saw them in 2020) So yes, parents sometimes are clueless as to how their comments about something as personal as money have on us. Living and paying bills in Vancouver is no cake walk and parents sometimes just don’t know what we do to make it day by day to save money.

10 0Rating: +10

Wha?

Aug 3, 2021 at 12:13am

Your parents are shaming on you because you're not living a debt filled life? Start asking them for the money to go do such activities they think you should be doing. Figure out the next move from there.

2 0Rating: +2

Everyone

Aug 3, 2021 at 8:14am

Most of us who still have our parents will have times with them that are frustrating. Even people who say that their parents are amazing will experience those situations occasionally. In your case it’s possible that your parents really don’t understand why it’s so hard for people your age to have the same lifestyle that they enjoyed at the same age. Housing prices have risen astronomically in the past 30 years in Vancouver, making it extremely difficult for the majority of people to be able to afford to buy a house or even a condo. At your age your parents did not have that same situation to deal with. We could buy something in spite of the fact that our mortgage interest rates were double digits, as long as we worked hard enough. The population around here has also risen exponentially, meaning that there’s a whole lot more competition for jobs and housing compared to back when they were your age. But if they don’t understand these facts, I’d suggest that you just avoid having those conversations with them, and if they keep pestering you about it, just refuse to engage.

5 0Rating: +5

Yup

Aug 3, 2021 at 9:49am

It’s like inhabiting two different worlds that cannot be compared. They expect you to operate on their level and partake in the lifestyle choices they do, when you’re just trying to survive. I get it.

6 0Rating: +6

Anonymous

Aug 3, 2021 at 11:05am

They talk about living with you. And how to make it happen lol

2 0Rating: +2

The World Is Different

Aug 4, 2021 at 7:32am

It's a well known fact that people today working their asses off are poverty stricken or living paycheque to paycheque while floundering in debt. Things are completely different today than in our parent's time. The wealthy to poor ratio gap has increased exponentially. Maybe your parents don't realize this and it's a shame. Not sure you can enlighten them but you should feel no remorse over your life at the expense of trying to please your parents. Hang in there. We're all struggling together.

0 1Rating: -1

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