Privacy pickle

I don't have many people that I can call as friends. The ones I do mean a lot to me. I haven't done a good job of living life. To many jobs, too many locations, not enough dollars. I'm lost the will to find work and now add a new place to live. My money is drying up. Believe me, if I had supports or resources I wouldn't care but I don't. I can't call my friends. I don't want to burden them, certainly not with these problems. It would put them through stress and I love them too much to put my problems on them. They can't help and they have their own lives with more responsibilities. I'm old and burnt out from trying because nobody wants an old person around. I am planning steps to give up for good if I can't fix this. I have noone to talk to. I'm publicly together and privately alone. It hurts and I wish there was some way, some miracle. But let's be real, I'm out of time. There's no such thing as miracles.

11 Comments

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That's how I feel

Aug 1, 2021 at 8:04pm

i'm only 34... Man... what a fucken crazy world.

13 1Rating: +12

Sending a big hug

Aug 1, 2021 at 9:48pm

You sound like a good person in a tough jam. I 100% get the loss of will thing and hope at least one of your friends does too.

Can anyone suggest resources that the OP can look into based on this post?

I hope it doesn’t come to this, but if worst case scenario happens and you’re feeling suicidal please consider checking yourself into St. Paul’s as a way to get direct access to mental health supports and people who can relate to what you’re going through. They can help with finding accommodation upon discharge as well.

Good luck OP. I’m rooting for you.

14 4Rating: +10

Me too friend

Aug 1, 2021 at 10:47pm

I feel like I could have written this. I completely understand how it feels to be old and broke and almost homeless. This is a position I certainly never foresaw for myself. I worked so hard for so long, and I have always taken care of myself, but life bit me in the butt one too many times and here I am. Living in one of the most unaffordable places on the planet. Disabled, old, bankrupt. Lost my home, and now I’ve lost a long-term rental because the owner cashed in on the recent real estate buying frenzy. So, like you, I also expect that once things progress to a point where I’m completely out of viable options, I’ll just take care of business once and for all rather than be a burden on my kids.

12 3Rating: +9

Noone saved me

Aug 1, 2021 at 11:32pm

When I was a kid.
" There's a kind of hush..."

3 1Rating: +2

Hugs aren't enough

Aug 2, 2021 at 2:37am

They can't tell their friends, did you not get that?Checking in means being on record, and that'll mess any future opportunities. They'll process them and have them committed, then toss them out into the shelter system. Yeah, that'll inspire living.
Why ask people who are suffering to stay if we can't be there with them through their pain? Instead, we toss people to strangers so we feel better. We encourage them to stay because we don't want to feel bad. Where is the humanity?

10 2Rating: +8

Don't rush into anything

Aug 2, 2021 at 5:22pm

So much sadness in this world, too many people and we are running out of viable solutions.
Soon low resources and food will be so expensive only the very few will be able to afford it.
What happens to everyone else ?
Maybe certain death is already in the works for us all, the next crops from the farmers fields will show what our futures hold.
TIME FOR CHANGE HAS ARRIVED.
We must be that change !!
Not sure how but maybe if we all got our heads together we could figure it out.
Positive End to this story perhaps !

6 1Rating: +5

suggested resources

Aug 2, 2021 at 5:27pm

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles and wondered if an organization such as 411 Seniors Society (411seniors.bc.ca) or
Seniors Services Society (.seniorsservicessociety.ca) might be able to help?

6 0Rating: +6

Sending @ hugs

Aug 2, 2021 at 6:22pm

I understand your point of view. It’s true what I’m saying sounds dismissive and shallow. None of it (well-meaning words, the system) is a enough.

I should mention though that I’ve been committed twice and spent a total of over three months living in psych wards. The housing referrals would not necessarily be to the shelter system and you do not get “marked for life” in a way that would affect employment, etc.

There are bad and ugly aspects to being an inpatient but when you can’t talk to anyone in your life about your problems at least there are people around who get it and can offer help. The perspective of other patients is invaluable.

Being in hospital also offers a “wrinkle in time” when the hourglass is running out, a legitimate pause to assess and stand apart from life so that maybe you can see new pathways where there was only a brick wall before.

Note other people who’ve been in similar situations might have different perspectives but this is mine.

5 2Rating: +3

I was there also.

Aug 2, 2021 at 9:03pm

My friends all turned their backs on me, I thought about killing myself also. I rented a room out of my neighborhood and got a bunch of drugs and booze. I rented an escort and had such a good time, it snapped me out of my gloom, I started making positive choices. I started caring for marijuana plants. Nurturing them, I felt like I had a purpose. Slowly I started becoming happier. And when you're happy, you want to share your happiness. Hang in there. Try throwing yourself 100% into something that interests you, it's a good first step.

2 2Rating: 0

Nice attempts at solutions

Aug 3, 2021 at 4:22pm

But.

Therapy isn't always the solution. Addressing the root cause is. Can't you see it? It's money. The OP is broke and is old so opportunities are slim to get out of their situation. Their social network is unreliable. The standard solutions to get out of their funk cost money. Our social safety net keeps people in a cycle of poverty. Going to a facility will assure this. Talking about problems only helps when there's solutions within grasp. In this case, they're f*cked.

I pray for them to get their miracle, I truly do, may they get exactly what they wish for. And we all should check in with the people in our lives. We should offer that leg up wherever we can. One day this could be any of us.

8 1Rating: +7

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