The best wife ever

My wife and I have been having a relationship problem for some time. Don't want to go into the roots and causes of these problems but recently she said that I had the best wife ever and I didn't appreciate this. Well, the truth is that she was a great organizer of life at home, cooking and taking good care of everybody around and that was true. What I was missing was a sex life. For the past 5 years or so, our marriage has become sexless. Whatever one cal call "having sex" was my initiative only with no support from her side and still we experienced this physical sensation of relief when the sexual act was over. But bodily sensation of ejaculation is not really sex, is it? Of course no! Should I have agreed for that situation going on, live sexless life, and treated all the things the way they were and still to call our marriage a good one?

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What’s her side?

Sep 3, 2021 at 10:08pm

When two people stop having regular sex there’s always a reason. Communication is the key. Both people have to feel free to honestly express how they’re feeling and what they need from each other, in order to have a great sexual connection. In my experience (older woman with several different partners and 2 long term relationships), the men have become extremely set in their ways, especially when it came to the sex. Exactly the same thing every single time. Very little foreplay, or all foreplay and 30 seconds or so of penetration. As if they were acting out a well-rehearsed script. Not being able to express my own frustration because they couldn’t handle it, and I was then accused of emasculating them and it was my fault they couldn’t get it up. So if you haven’t already sat down with your wife to truly talk about this, then I’d suggest that you do it before your relationship deteriorates beyond repair.

Thanks OP

Sep 4, 2021 at 3:46am

These confessions remind me why being single is best.

17 7Rating: +10

Have you ever considered…

Sep 4, 2021 at 7:57am

That perhaps after organizing everyone & everythingshe is exhausted & after taking care of you she had nothing left to give & just wants to rest because she is exhausted? Is she your wife - partner in that you are responsible for household management, cleaning, laundry, cooking, paying bills, home maintenance, raising children PLUS working or does she do all that while you “help” every so often & expect huge accolades?

It’s likely a symptom than the cause

Sep 4, 2021 at 8:47am

Couple counselling could likely help. There’s obviously something wrong but you both aren’t talking about it.

12 2Rating: +10

Time to talk

Sep 4, 2021 at 9:44am

What you don't want, is great sex and in a bad relationship. (That can be a real trap.) There must be another way to resolve looking at the marriage as "good" or "bad" based on this one, albeit large, aspect. Also, I'm not sure the fiery thing just lasts forever without some tweaking. You two need to talk about it.
I know one couple whose relationship was totally sexless for years and years. They found separate places to live, but it turns out they had bonded like family and continue to be great supports for each other in a harsh world. For myself, that's what being in a couple is all about, friendship, caring. support, longevity, stability. Without that, what is it?

16 2Rating: +14

If It Does Not "Feel Good"

Sep 4, 2021 at 11:22am

then it must not be right. You dont deserve to have partner

9 10Rating: -1

All too familiar

Sep 4, 2021 at 8:54pm

Without intimacy you're just roommates.
She did spell it out that she felt taken for granted. You both have different values. Yours seem to be about your physical needs and hers are emotional. To get yours you need to fulfill hers and I'm not sure this is possible on your end. I don't think you're understanding that this is failing because you don't care to get emotional.
You're either not understanding the equation of how to turn things around or you do and, deep down, are afraid to admit you've lost interest because that means no more maid service with benefits and the cost to end things will be too inconvenient.

16 7Rating: +9

@Have you ever considered

Sep 5, 2021 at 9:43am

You’re absolutely right. That situation happens in virtually every marriage I know, including my own. The Op sounds incredibly entitled. Hopefully she’ll leave him. I did and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I was sick of being taken for granted as well as not even getting decent sex.

10 5Rating: +5

Something to Consider...

Sep 5, 2021 at 10:39am

Here is something no one talks about, but I'm sure it will become a hot women's topic sometime soon.

If your wife is 40 plus there is a good chance she is going through perimenopause. There is no way to prove this as there are so many symptoms but what I have learned so far (and I still have a lot to learn) is every woman goes through this, and it's different for everyone.

The major signs your body is going into this change is anxiety, depression, weight gain, and no to little interest in sex.
This is a NATURAL thing every womens body goes through as she ages.

Your wife would probably love to feel all pent up like you do, but in reality she's really tired from keeping her mood together and not loosing her mind and at the end of the day is tired and fed up from dealing with the kids, house, husband, job, inlaws etc. Maybe a weekend away would help and a honest chat?

10 2Rating: +8

Despardu

Sep 5, 2021 at 9:14pm

There are all kinds of reasons this could be happening, some of which can be fixed and some of which can't. I'd suggest counselling to see if you can figure out what applies.

But for those of you who say that it's always due to problems in the relationship, I don't think that's true. I know at least three married female friends who said they couldn't care less if they ever have sex again, and yet they say there's nothing wrong with their husbands. They just have zero interest in sex. I'm sure there are married men out there who feel that way too. Really, what can one do in that situation? Unfortunately, I think sometimes it's as simple as this: when you've been with someone this long, you love them but they don't thrill you the way they used to. Sure, you go through the motions and it's all fine but that craving is gone. It's a rotten biological conundrum.

5 2Rating: +3

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