Married Woman and Confused

I am married to a really amazing man. The problem is, I can't shake the memories of being with women. It drives me crazy sometimes. I want to be happily married but its so hard to let go of the thoughts. I search for other married women that can relate to me but I don't think anyone knows how to talk to other women about these kinds of struggles. There must be someone that understands. There must be other married women like me.

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Bo

Sep 28, 2021 at 1:49pm

I find it sad that people commit to marriage while being untruthful to their partners about their sexual desires and then wonder what to do.You should be having a very serious conversation with your husband because you're essentially living a lie.Did you think your desire for women would magically disappear once you got married??? The truth is your attracted to women.( and I assume men too but who knows?) The feelings you're experiencing will continue so you need to accept the truth of who you really are and by not communicating with your husband,you're being unfair to him as he has been left in the dark regarding his wife's sexual desires.It's time to start that brutally honest conversation and be prepared to deal with the consequences. And I imagine that many women and men who are married are going through the same thing.I'm so glad I never got married and had to live a life like this.

30 2Rating: +28

People Person

Sep 28, 2021 at 2:45pm

Geez. Pick a side and please leave him for someone who knows who they are and what they want. Myself and many women I know can't find amazing men because it seems like they are wrapped up in this type of nonsense.

15 9Rating: +6

That makes sense to me

Sep 28, 2021 at 5:29pm

I disagree with the comments above that the nostalgia you are experiencing is unfair to your husband or somehow contributive to the scarcity of male partners. Having arising and complicated feelings is not illegal!

Sometimes these memories come up in order to be seen through to their logical conclusion so that we can find resolution for any loose ends that may exist in our bodies and minds.

By this I don't necessarily mean acting on urges by reaching out to old lovers, but if we can dive deeper into what is surfacing and why, fantasize about sex with who we are lusting after, remind ourselves of the reality and feelings that remain after the physical thrill is over, and identify patterns within our identity that we project upon and act out through other people (which we all do!), we can actually have some great psychological breakthroughs and get to know ourselves better than before.

Wondering if it would be worth connecting with an LGBTQ+ friendly therapist to chat this through?

7 4Rating: +3

Enough with the

Sep 28, 2021 at 8:07pm

plural(bi, pan, etc)sexuality-shaming! |:^(

9 8Rating: +1

Anonymous

Sep 28, 2021 at 11:49pm

Talk to a counselor about your feelings and thoughts about your desire/attraction to women (that is LGBTQ supportive) and how to talk to your partner about this and your relationship to figure things out and your stance of your current relationship as well. Studies actually show women's sexuality is much more fluid over the course of their lives.

Plenty of bisexual people married to a man but bisexual and openly identify as such without erasing that side of themselves or vice versa. Others may opt to have more of an open marriage or pursue more non traditional relationships as that's becoming more common.
Hopefully talking to a supportive relationship and sex therapist could be helpful for you to figure out things, including how to move forward with your relationship.

7 2Rating: +5

Poor Fella

Sep 29, 2021 at 7:52am

I feel so bad for the man who loves someone for decades only to find out one day that it was all a deception. It takes a special kind of selfishness to rob years from someone else's life in order to avoid dealing with the truth.

8 3Rating: +5

There's More Than One Way [J]

Sep 29, 2021 at 2:32pm

Have you opened up to your husband about your feelings? That'd be the place to start. There are a lot of ways you might learn together or separately to express and feed your desires. Maybe you look together for a casual or serious third, maybe you just look for femme companionship on your own. Maybe, if you can't stand the idea of nonmonogamy, you just need to watch WLW porn now and then, with or without your husband. If he husband can grasp that desiring what he doesn't have isn't the same as not desiring what he does have, then there's no reason you can't reach an agreement that satisfies you both.

If you can't come to an agreement yourselves, then, as another poster suggested, maybe see a sex therapist or relationship counsellor. There's no rule that says we have to navigate everything from scratch on our own.

You can only improve your marriage by being honest about your desires. If it can't survive honesty, it probably isn't that great, and you'd be better served by a different arrangement.

5 1Rating: +4

Your husband....

Sep 30, 2021 at 7:23pm

might enjoy watching you with another woman.

5 5Rating: 0

Tell Him

Oct 1, 2021 at 1:58pm

I was married for years and had strong sexual desires for women. He allowed me to act on my desires and once I did a few times I felt better and I realized I just wanted to be with him. It strengthened our relationship.

6 2Rating: +4

Some husbands

Oct 8, 2021 at 1:41am

feel the same way... about other men. They don't ever talk about it. Business trips on the downlow scratch that itch, then they compartmentalize and keep up appearances. Fake it 'till you make it!

2 1Rating: +1

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