Health

I’m worried about my husband’s health. It’s gotten worse during the pandemic. He eats like crap, over eats, and hardly moves. I can’t say anything or he freaks out and lashes out at me. I’m at a loss. Really worried as his health is obviously declining.

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This covid/climate/crisis pressures me to go cuckoo too

Oct 1, 2021 at 10:09pm

but I'm learning to lean into the wind and keep moving forward in the good way regardless wacky thoughts that sometimes go thru my head. I'm not studied in Taosm but I've heard it teaches: "Don't resist force with force. Simply turn to the side and deflect the negative force thoughts and just keep moving forward.

14 2Rating: +12

you too

Oct 1, 2021 at 10:29pm

Someone's physical health can recoup with changes and some time (only if that person wants it to), but it's the anger and lashing out at you that is most worrisome. That's a different kind of ill health. I hope you can find a trusted friend or advisor to support you in this circumstance. You sound very anxious for him but you need to be OK for yourself too. Best.

23 5Rating: +18

P. Leah

Oct 2, 2021 at 3:20am

Please. I don’t want to entertain this Jabba the Hutt. Where’s my brother?

4 1Rating: +3

people react in different ways

Oct 2, 2021 at 6:13am

I used to be a bit of a couch potato but I go outside alot more since the pandemic for the fresh air. Never felt better, quiet streets, nice walks. Maybe suggesting a nice walk would encourage him and try not mentioning his diet choices. Point out the beautiful sky and trees, complement his rosy cheeks, keep it pleasant.

9 1Rating: +8

I get it

Oct 2, 2021 at 7:48am

I was not doing 100% the last half of 2019. then 2020 and part of 2021 and I was in the worst state of my life!

Now I'm getting back to moving and being happier again and I'm seeing how bad I actually was, what I needed was a totally overhaul of everyday life. 100%! so if this is possible for you both I would suggest it. Maybe move, change jobs, go on a long trip or dedicate every morning to something to get your day going. It's hard but I wish you luck!

5 3Rating: +2

More to it

Oct 2, 2021 at 8:33am

It sounds like he may be depressed. It could be related to the Covid situation but not necessarily. Have you tried sitting down with him to ask how he’s feeling? Don’t mention anything about the overeating. Perhaps just a casual conversation to begin with; non-threatening, mention something about how you’re feeling a bit stressed, etc. Encourage him to talk, but don’t suggest that you know the answers, just show empathy and let him know that you’re there for him. When people feel safe to do so they’re more likely to talk about what’s really bothering them.

7 1Rating: +6

Same boat

Oct 2, 2021 at 9:21am

But opposite. He hardly eats anymore or goes out. I’m really worried too but I keep pressuring and it gets worse.

5 2Rating: +3

@you too

Oct 2, 2021 at 5:47pm

I can imagine any number of ways that this concerned spouse is bringing up the topic that are unhelpful. I have dealt with many family members who have ill health due to poor eating habits.

As for "freaking out and lashing out," that's not really a sign of ill health. It could be that she is endlessly nagging him, like "oh, you're eating more iced cream, oh, you're lazy, you never exercise!" That would cause any normal person to want to lash out, this whole bizarre idea that anyone who gets angry is "mentally ill" is itself a mental illness.

To the OP, the only way to inculcate healthy habits is to adopt them and include your spouse in them. As for "saying anything," as I said, there are all sorts of things you can say about someone's health that are not helpful and that cause a legitimate reaction. You're basically tell him he has lost the plot, and this may be the case, but then it becomes a question of how to get him back on the plot: if he had it, he wouldn't need to be reminded, would he?

I have experience with many family members who eat improperly and it is very difficult to talk to them about it. Even being on three or four medications, they insist that they "eat fine" and think that their physician is their to hold their hand rather than being a plumber who is fixing the leaky pipes that come in---your plumber fixes your pipe then goes, if you can't manage to stop abusing the plumbing, well, that plumber gets to put his kids through college.

Anyway, nutrition is mostly a solved problem. There are apps you can get that will let you enter what you eat, and they'll tell you how close you are to getting your micros/macros. Do it yourself and ask him to join in. As for activity, well, take him for walks like a dog. I've always struggled going out for walks myself, but I've never once turned down someone asking me to go for a walk.

My personal experience is that over-eating comes from not having sufficient nutrition, or from being lonely. If you think about it, let's say you had insufficient nutrient X, it'd make sense to eat until you had enough, no?

As for being lonely, well, another issue is that men need to have sex regularly to be productive and mentally healthy. Is he getting enough sex? Treat him like a dog you need to train to be a good boy, most men don't mind this treatment if it is competent and loving, not harpyish.

7 5Rating: +2

Quick Q for you

Oct 2, 2021 at 8:15pm

Is he employed? Does he have to deal with the public? Could he be stressing out from that and taking comfort in food and staying home?

4 1Rating: +3

@@you too

Oct 3, 2021 at 9:08am

Your comment made some sense until your last paragraph where you completely “lost the plot”.

3 5Rating: -2

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