I am not denying it anymore: I am autistic

No one would notice, I guess I've done what they call "masking". You know, something awful happens to your friend, and you feel it too, so you're just as distressed and express sympathy the same way. I've felt sorry for my friends, but as a child I learned not having an emotional reaction is inappropriate, so I've learned to physically show that I sympathize. I've learned to get excited when they are excited, and so on, so forth. I'm a bit deadpan but my sense of humour lies in dark themes and witty takes moreso than awkward or minstrel-like, and I think that's helped me appear as a normal person. I have epilepsy. I had a lot of anxiety growing up, and as I get older I experience panic attacks more often (but still rare). I was gifted. My father always suspected that I was little bit autistic. I was "rude" forever, even though I always meant the best, and I learned early on how language adopts connotations over literal meanings, and while I stumbled enough in high school, I mostly had that "dense" and "insensitive" talk obliterated by the time I was out. I was blunt and spoke "robotically" until it was pointed out so often that I was "too mellow" in high school, I learned I need to talk differently. So sometimes I can sound chipper! And I think that is instinctively me now, but it took conscious effort to get there. So I mostly sound like Aubrey Plaza, who does not sound wholly like a robot. I'm having a hard time with dating, but since I've admitted this to myself, I've found some solace. My autism has been mild enough that it never curbed me. I've been watching Love on the Spectrum and that show has been so wholesome. Maybe I'll meet someone who understands someday.


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I understand

Oct 22, 2021 at 9:55pm

I might be on the spectrum too.
You sound smart and that's hot. I'd date you.

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Dr. Renee Dufault

Oct 22, 2021 at 10:08pm

was a top medical scientist working in the USA Food and Drug Administration. When she protested that they were still allowing so many food products containing toxic ingredients; that in particular are causing the epidemic of childhood autism; they fired her. She then wrote the book: "Unsafe At Any Meal.'

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Oct 22, 2021 at 11:19pm

Please. As someone who has a liking for autisim in people, there is someone for you probably.

All the best.

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Own it all you want

Oct 23, 2021 at 3:47am

Paranoid Schizophrenia. Eh? Now that'd be big of ya

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Oct 23, 2021 at 1:57pm

Well done. You have done yourself a huge favor. Go to https://www.autismbc.ca/ and do yourself another one.

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blunted affect

Oct 24, 2021 at 2:04pm

is my natural state, can relate. Sometimes I find it awfully tedious to pretend and it's not always easy to escape the gravity well of small talk. At the same time, neuroses and fixations can be overpowering and I don't always have the sanest reaction to seemingly innocuous situations.

It's inspiring to hear how you adjusted and overcame. Even though it's in part a concession to a society that asks we steam press our ruffles into oblivion, it does help things move along smoothly.

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Thank you everyone

Oct 24, 2021 at 9:26pm

I appreciate all of your kind comments a lot. I've taken to revealing it casually, but alone it has been both a hefty sigh of relief and also devastating while processing it. But it is the truth and acknowledging that is the way forward.

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Oct 26, 2021 at 11:45am

Hopefully I'll understand what the hell happened to Concrete Blonde!

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