It never changes

I’ve been my family’s scapegoat for my entire life. I’m almost 60 and nothing has changed. I’m the one who tells the truth. I don’t go along with all the bs lies and the codependency between my parents and some of my siblings. I was the one who showed obvious signs of trauma from the neglect and emotional and physical abuse when I was a child. I was depressed and I didn’t remain quiet, so I was labelled as the troublemaker and my siblings were encouraged to mistreat me too. It’s affected my life in so many ways, and I’ve been diagnosed with CPTSD. I’m so tired and all I want to do is walk away from all of them and let them deal with their own consequences, but now that they’re old and fragile I’m pressured to step up and help them. But in spite of their constant complaining about how their lives are, every time I try to make any changes to help them, they immediately revert to lies (to doctors or social workers) and manipulation tactics. It’s exhausting and it feels completely futile to even bother trying to help because the results are exactly the same; I get blamed for causing them trouble. If I back away I’m blamed for not helping enough and not caring. So I’m resigned to being their scapegoat for the rest of my life, but I’m not resigned to ruining what’s left of mine.

6 Comments

Post a Comment

Anonymous

Oct 5, 2021 at 2:57pm

Detach yourself and let them whine. That is a sign of how valuable they think you are.

On the other hand the more you show you care the less they appreciate it.

This isn't rocket science.

17 2Rating: +15

X

Oct 8, 2021 at 7:16am

Walk away and enjoy your life, be with people who want you around just to have you around for fun and hi-jinx!
It is soooo much easier on you

3 1Rating: +2

Just leave

Oct 8, 2021 at 7:38am

It was the same scenario with me. I got out years ago because I couldn't deal with the BS. Then I made the mistake last year of going back because I felt guilty because they are getting old, etc etc. And NOTHING had changed - they just wanted to make me wrong all the time and blame me for everything, even though (actually especially when) I tried to share useful tips I'd learned from years of therapy. I lasted 9 months and then got even further away - I hope 5000 miles is far enough. And I feel great. No regrets.

5 0Rating: +5

Go

Oct 9, 2021 at 3:39pm

You have one life, if you're not sure of your convictions, at 60, figure it out and move forward. Shed those who don't get you and hold you back. On life, One.

3 1Rating: +2

Free

Oct 10, 2021 at 12:05pm

Going No Contact is bliss.

Find a therapist that will support you going no contact if you aren't clear that you are worth it.

1 1Rating: 0

Kindred spirit

Oct 13, 2021 at 1:49pm

I was the scapegoat in my family. I’m 43 now and have been no contact with my siblings and parents for more than 5 years now. Like you I realized nothing would change. Was the single most difficult and painful decision I’ve ever made. Was also the best decision I ever made for my mental and emotional health.

Healing will take time. I still struggle with anxiety and depression. That being said, if I had not walked away, I would likely be dead.

So yeah it could be a lot worse.

1 1Rating: 0

Join the Discussion

What's your name?