feels like you right now some people just hide it better. Do whatever you feel like doing and don’t feel bad about it. Hugs!!

You should try the afterlife. I've been dead for decades but my parasite body won't let me go. It forces me to do things against my will like eat sleep shop...stare at my stupid phone day and night. My relationship is with the river and that's largely to determine just where to jump in. Should I wear weights? Last new years party I went to I danced with a girl whose curtain fabric dress was soaked in perspiration some guy said he was glad 1984 was over and my friend nearly froze to death in the backyard. Lucky bastard

Had to say it...

I feel the same.........I like the lights at Christmas but that's about it. The pandemic has affected me deeply and I find that when I get together with the few friends I have,I feel no joy; I've become withdrawn,closed off and not very interested in their lives.I've stopped sharing any information about myself and contribute very little to conversations. After an hour or so,I just want to go home where I can be alone,yet I often feel lonely. I've been trying without success to access mental health services because I feel something is broken in me. When I see people celebrating and having a good time reuniting with loved ones,I just can't relate at all. The only thing that I can focus on are small pleasures: a walk in nature,a good meal,a night bike ride but I do all these things alone( but I prefer this) I am retreating from the world more and more and I know this isn't healthy but I can see myself slipping away from the person I used to be in the " before time".

Get a grip for Christ's sake.

It's not a mystery "how others can". Same reason as you, everything sucks, and some of us need to get out and yammer about it with others or we will just lose it. The celebrating part is just a bit tempered these days, but OK.

Please re-read your confession, OP.

You say you're not anti-joy or anti-social? Not in theory, no, but in practice, you are telling us you feel isolated and awful, and that the thought of a staff party has you saying nope.

Maybe this is the time to do some counselling, hopefully you can get it paid for. I have done it a few times when I was having work problems, or when I was not able to handle the way my mother in law and kid were railing at each other, and so on. Speaking to a trained, impartial other was really helpful to clarify what was going on.

Can't get to the end without a map sometimes. You still have to get yourself there, but it is way easier.

I love you.

Thank you both for sharing and expressing so much better than I can how I feel right now. It really helps to know I’m not the only one. Because this seems like a change that will continue (new normal) makes it worse like this disconnect and despondency won’t end. I have no answers just trying to focus on keeping myself alive each day. I’m pursuing all my health care options and accessing supports. Hope it improves at some point. Solidarity.

Everyone doesn't feel the same way. If you're working and being invited to parties and you just don't want to go well okay. I once many many years ago I had a relationship with the young woman who is like this. She had something to do every Friday Saturday Sunday every night she wanted to go out she could go out. Me I can count on my fingers and toes the number of parties I've been to in my whole life. Being alone is difficult but it's not something everyone is going through. See you again the Opie says their relationships are suffering. Or in another similar post they're barely able to do their job everyday. And then I look at myself I know you do well I haven't had a normal relationship in over a decade and I'm unemployed I'm not artistic so it's not like I play a guitar and people hang around to listen to that. So most everybody who is barely hanging on seems to think they're not hanging on. But I'm outside Observer if you're say hanging from a balcony there's a whole range where you're still hanging on and I can't tell how difficult it is for you unless you open your mouth and tell me. It just looks like you're still hanging on him. Me I let go over a decade ago. Well before it was vaccination that was the issue when it was just free speech... Why would I want to contribute to a society that wants to put a muzzle on me? Why would I want to socialize with people who support such a violent Institution