Too afraid to try again

I left my abusive ex 2.5 years ago. The 5 years we were together actually broke me.....and I am an extremely strong woman. He moved on easily and quickly, but I've been rebuilding my life since. It's not that I don't have men who are interested in me, I'm just too afraid to even try again. Sometimes I'm afraid I won't ever be able to trust another person again..


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When one door closes

Nov 21, 2021 at 1:32pm

another door always opens. “No matter how isolated you are and how lonely you feel, if you do your work truly and conscientiously, unknown friends will come and seek you.” -- Carl Jung

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Take Your Time

Nov 21, 2021 at 1:53pm

No need to rush. I left mine nearly a year ago and I’ve never felt better. I also trust no one but I’ve found a special person that distracts me and it’s nice. Sometimes a good fuck buddy can do wonders.

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I don't have any helpful advice,

Nov 21, 2021 at 2:33pm

but I just wanted to say I can empathize. I too consider myself to be a strong woman who has survived a lot of adversity, but nothing prepared me for the heartbreak I went through a few years ago. I wish I felt available to open my heart to someone new, but I just don't. I actually avoid eye contact with men at all costs because I'm terrified of being so badly hurt again, I just don't want to invite any interest or opportunity. As I said I don't have helpful advice, but I do know the saying "time heals all" is quite untrue.

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You're not alone

Nov 21, 2021 at 5:21pm

I'm in a similar boat.

I believe we've reached a critical societal breaking point when it comes to abuse (emotional and psychological abuse in particular) where many of us are shattered, withdrawn, and as you say, not wanting to try again because it will literally be the death of us if the cycle continues.

The popularity of brutally honest breakup songs like "Lose You to Love Me" and "Happier Than Ever" goes to show that masses of people are going through the same mindfucks and are connecting to the lyrics like moths to a flame.

My hope is that we are soon going to reach a tipping point that pivots us toward healing and care as more and more people find their voices and say "no more."

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Fear of trying makes no sense

Nov 21, 2021 at 6:16pm

I'm glad you got out of an abusive relationship. Jsyk, women can be just as abusive as anyone...

But denying yourself company isn't the answer, loneliness is pretty bad too

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Nov 21, 2021 at 9:19pm

I understand completely. I’m out of a long term very bad relationship recently too. I don’t even recognize who I am now, because I’m not even close to the woman I once was. I was so strong! Confident and accomplished. After years of insidious and constant criticism and gaslighting, I’m afraid to make any decisions at all because I don’t trust myself to make any good ones. But bit by bit I’m healing. I’m surrounded by the people who truly love me and have my best interests at heart. So now I’m putting myself in their hands to help me repair all the damage done to my psyche so that someday I hope I’ll be ready to love again. Sending you lots of healing vibes in the hopes that you too will someday regain yourself too.

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@ Fear of trying

Nov 21, 2021 at 9:26pm

You don’t get it on a few levels. Firstly, it’s not a contest about which gender can be abusive! The Op was speaking from their own perspective. It’s not about you. Secondly, of course it makes sense to have a fear of trying! Fear of repeating it is a very normal (and often helpful) reaction to a situation that caused a person a lot of harm. If we didn’t feel fear we’d all be leaping off of cliffs every time we had an urge. Obviously the goal is to recover from the hurt, learn from the experience, and move on, but that takes time and it’s no one else’s business to decide when the time is right for someone else.

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Totally empathize

Nov 21, 2021 at 10:38pm

I’m out of a 15 year relationship with someone my therapist said might be a sociopath. I feel like an absolute wreck and I trust NO ONE anymore. He cheated on me, brought home an STI, gaslit me and then, to top it all off, for the last year and a half of our relationship, he sexually assaulted me. How do you recover from this shit? It feels hopeless at this point as I cry more days than I don’t, and we have been over for 2 years now.

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Sounds like

Nov 21, 2021 at 10:46pm

A good first step would be to get some therapy. Do not focus on D-Bags like your ex. D-Bags like that are not worth anyones time.

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Nov 21, 2021 at 11:17pm

You always bring up the "competition" angle- and I've noticed that you never bring it up when the roles are reversed.

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