What’s wrong with me

I can’t move on from people, they can screw me over, steal from me, or use me and still I just want to run to them and be held and feel better. I can try to move on for months on end but the feelings always there somewhere inside and I don’t understand why, someone with any dignity would never talk to these people again, and even if I refuse to let myself talk to them I know if they reached out I’d probably go running right into the fire to get burned once again

21 Comments

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It's gonna be okay.

Nov 28, 2021 at 8:51pm

I get where you're coming from and have been in the same spot.

I recommend doing some research into trauma bonding. It is crazy how crumbs of goodness interspersed with shittiness can get us hooked on the fantasy of winning people over, even if our rational minds know this is impossible.

Don't cave to the assholes; you're worth so much better OP!

I feel your words

Nov 28, 2021 at 8:55pm

You try to say youve moved on but your heart and/or your brain does what it wants. Its been destroying me for awhile now too.

You’re not alone

Nov 28, 2021 at 9:59pm

It’s called Trauma Bonding. Look it up, and I promise that it will explain this phenomenon very well. There’s always a reason, and once you begin to understand what’s happened to you and why, you’ll be much better prepared. Trust me on this one; I’ve become a reluctant expert on this subject.

You are strong.

Nov 29, 2021 at 1:23am

You are capable.
You are worth it.
And whatever this is, you can dream and you can live, and you can do that for yourself.

17 1Rating: +16

Poo or get off the pot

Nov 29, 2021 at 5:38am

You're not over them, highly likely because you never had the final conversation that's called closure.
Most people avoid closure because a) they're afraid of their true feelings, like how they don't want it to be over or b) they're afraid of confrontation. Not you confronting them. Rather, them confronting you. Because you weren't exactly an angel.
Two clear and obvious choices: "man up" by having that very final conversation where everything gets put on the table or completely forget them for good.
I advocate the former. All those pent-up thoughts and feelings are eating you alive, and they aren't going away as you can see because there's a huge difference between telling yourself it's over versus telling them, which is where those thoughts and feelings want to go. Let those feelings out.

Anonymous

Nov 29, 2021 at 9:31am

Better to be alone that to bother with idiots.
Why ?
Cause they will always be idiots.
Your better that that and learn to love yourself.
It's not easy when the whole world tries to act so perfect and the world is so damn wonderful.
it's all an illusion.
You can be your own best friend way less hassles
People love the masks they hide behind. LOL

I'm the same.

Nov 29, 2021 at 11:18am

One person I liked was even 25 yrs ago and I'm still thinking he might come around even though he showed no interest and is now married with grown kids and is doing lots of interesting things like travelling, home renos , that he was supposed to be doing , in my thoughts, with me. Another was a work crush from 30 yrs ago! He married someone else but I still have dreams about him and consider reaching out. Several more recent- it seems once I like someone, it is difficult to stop, no matter the rejection. I share your title - What's wrong with me?

You can overcome this!

Nov 29, 2021 at 11:30am

I spent a decade of my life hanging onto people who were treating me poorly because of my low self-worth and fear of abandonment. Those beliefs become ingrained slowly and it may take a while to get better but I promise that you can! You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, I hope one day you will fully believe it and not accept anything less.

25 0Rating: +25

About trauma bonding

Nov 29, 2021 at 2:17pm

For some situations, yes, this is true. But not all scenarios are due to being trauma bonded and while I feel for those who experienced the toxic interaction to precipitate the warnings, a message for you: stop projecting your specific pain onto every scenario as a default. You don't know the history of that interaction at all.
Trauma bonding is in conjunction with getting very little rewards for output but the OP could easily be embellishing or leaving out details due to immaturity or frustration. They could be projecting other past scenarios as a knee-jerk reaction to their current situation because people do that sometimes as a way to cope with being hurt.
When hypotheticals and absolutes are spoken as unwavering fact, especially in frustration, be wary and dig deeper. Get facts before making blanket assessments and stop defaulting to every pop psychology reference automatically. Rushed judgments don't help.

@ they will always be idiots.

Nov 29, 2021 at 2:42pm

Never say never ... people are capable of change, especially when they realize their self-caused pain becomes too personally painful. Speaking for myself, I certainly am far from perfect but I have reached a few positive inner life changes. There are things I used to think, that I now don't think no more (or rarely so) and their are things I used to do that I certainly do not do now.

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