Soooo fat that noone will want me.

That's it. That's the confession. Originally being fat was a strategy to keep men away. It worked. Now it's really difficult to lose the weight. And I will probably look this way forever. And that's heartbreaking.

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It’s a strategy all right…

Dec 19, 2021 at 5:33am

But it doesn’t have to be forever. I understand that it’s really hard to change your lifestyle and lose the weight. If you’re an older woman it’s that much harder thanks to the effects of hormones (or lack of them). But it can still be done. It’s figuring out the root cause of your overeating that’s the main thing you need to address. I think it’s almost always because we’re seeking comfort, and food is traditionally a source of that for most people. It’s an addictive behaviour just like using alcohol or drugs. Then it becomes a vicious cycle, because when you’re overweight you become self conscious and less likely to feel good about exercising, which in turn makes you sad, so you turn to food for comfort. There is help available, but it still requires a lot of effort from you. Do you truly want to get better? If you do, then look into getting into an eating disorder program through your doctor. They’re not easy to get into, but I know a couple of people who did, and the change in them has been hugely successful. Please don’t give up on yourself! This is about you and no one else, for the quality of life that you deserve.

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What do you mean...

Dec 19, 2021 at 6:23am

Maybe if you had a better attitude toward men this would not have happened.

I recommend reading Jason Fung, MD on obesity, insulin, etc. He's a Canadian.

It's not really heartbreaking---what it means in BC Is that you won't get good medical care. I have a torn tendon, confirmed by ultrasound after I went private. Had two clinic docs + a specialist (for something unrelated, but he did the examination at my request, so he has to do it properly) just go 'well, it looks OK...you're overweight, that's probably it...' without ordering an ultrasound.

So enjoy being told that every ache, pain, etc. is a product of your being obese! Oh, and if you start feeling tired, instead of any sort of medical weight loss program, they will refer you to a "sleep clinic" where they make you uncomfortable while you sleep, and if you wake up too much, they tell you that you need a "special device" to help you sleep!

So, break tendon, get fat from inactivity, go to doctors, doctors tell me I am fat so my foot hurts, when it's because I had an undiagnosed problem leading to immobility that caused the obesity.

But nope!

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My 2 cents

Dec 19, 2021 at 6:59am

Lots of larger people are really attractive. Just because someone carries a bit of extra weight shouldn't make potential mates shun them. I've never understood why this happens, especially with women. Men have a bit of an easier time being overweight and still attractive to women. But it's still a shame that so many larger people become invisible.

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Not to worry

Dec 19, 2021 at 8:54am

Someone out there somewhere will want you. Never give up hope. LOVE!

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Western medicine (aka allopathic) has its place

Dec 19, 2021 at 9:04am

ie. if you break a bone you go to the E.R., you don't go to a Naturopath or Herbal Dr. But, Western medicine is much to often a tool of pill-pushing big Pharma. If a person can't get a handle on their issues of over-eating and what they are eating; Suggest you find a good-hearted Naturopath.

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It’ll be difficult

Dec 19, 2021 at 9:56am

to lose the weight but do it anyway, for you, not for the men. Being overweight leads to a shorter lifespan and myriad health problems like diabetes and joint problems. My husband’s family has had weight problems and life quality has been in rapid decline. If you lose weight and men become attracted to you, that’s a bonus but it should never be the real goal. Your life is in your hands.

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Anonymous

Dec 19, 2021 at 10:26am

Obviously you are trying to say something that's not written here. Losing weight takes discipline, will power, the ability to get up after you have failed again and again oftentimes.

No offence, this all sounds like your decision. Both gaining and keeping the weight.

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Butt....

Dec 19, 2021 at 10:41am

if you lose the weight, the evil men may return ?

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You know..

Dec 19, 2021 at 10:44am

I too am fat and at first didn't mean for it to keep men away but I realized I didn't want men to he attracted to me anymore because of how bitter and jaded I had become so I didn't do anything about it. I think generally we always have a choice unless certain health conditions are holding us back. I realize mental health is an issue but we have to make the choice to help ourselves at the end of the day. You may not want men after you which is totally understandable, but what about your health? If you have kids, what about them? I know for myself recently I'm realizing I can't keep up with my 2 year old. I let a man totally break me down and believe I was disgusting to the point where I let the negativity take control and then I became what he was calling me. Basically a fat slob. I think I felt I deserved it but now in retrospect well... Fuck him and I'm going to lose weight for myself and my daughter. If you don't want to attract men then just don't give them the time of day. Walk away. If someone walks up to you in public flirting just walk away. You are not obligated to reciprocate especially if it makes you uncomfortable. Don't live you're life in anger out of fear. Take control of your mind and health. Just so you know though there are lots of people who are into fat people as well lol so you're never truly safe. There will always be someone who will find you attractive. Anyways, you don't have to be fat forever. If you want to change and are finding it hard maybe try to get some good supports in place, hopefully some close friends and family if you have them. Go for small walks with them. Schedule it so you have to be held accountable when they show up. Make better food choices. If you eat garbage, eat it but try eating less and add in small bits of healthy stuff to slowly get your body used to it. Everything doesn't have to be black and white. You don't have to give it your all .. just give it a little bit :) and you will start to make some changes. Before you know it you'll feel better.

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I could say the same.

Dec 19, 2021 at 1:14pm

About a distasteful vice of mine. Best not to get caught up in justifying something I know it’s bad. But it did keep me from having any bastard sons in my youth. Sorry if that’s too real. You’ll attract men when you’re ready. Enjoy yourself and don’t get entangled in criticism, it isn’t helpful. Your strategy worked, if you take your time, your next one can too.

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