Unsure

I'll be thirty soon. I can't believe how old I look for my age. I just gained a new forehead wrinkle the other day. I'm going to try to just accept myself. I stopped dying my greys because I'm sick of conforming to societies beauty standards. My friends and family have made pretty insensitive comments like oh god you're too young to let yourself go or wow time dye those suckers, bud. (that one did make me laugh). I feel like society accepts men going grey like it's sexy but for a woman it's not? Maybe I'm wrong. I feel so insecure but I'm tired of trying so hard. I don't know what I'm trying to say here.. I'm confused. Happy holidays folks!

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You’re right

Dec 2, 2021 at 3:17am

There’s a definite double standard when it comes to the aging process for men and women. Anyone with a brain can see that and there’s a lot of information available to explain (read “justify”) why this is. But ultimately it’s entirely a personal choice for women as to whether or not they choose to dye their hair or wear makeup or whatever else it is that would involve adjusting their appearance to be more appealing to others. Unfortunately the reality is that we’re animals, and if we want to be paired with a romantic partner, we will usually need to do something to attract them. Unless you’re blessed with an amazing physique and stunning beauty without having to do anything to achieve that, most of us will do something to enhance what nature gave us. Both genders have to do this. The way a person presents themselves does tell a story about how they want to be perceived, so I guess now you’ve got to decide for yourself what you want to present.

10 6Rating: +4

To dye or not to dye.

Dec 2, 2021 at 9:55am

If you dye your hair because you don't like the grey, what on earth has that got to do with anyone else's standards? Do what you want, make yourself happy either way and be confident about it. Self confidence is more powerful and attractive than an obsession with tiny physical details about ourselves. You just became an adult, and you have your entire life ahead of you at 30.

13 0Rating: +13

I get it

Dec 2, 2021 at 5:05pm

You see hypocritical appearance standards, and they do suck and are unfair. But I would point out some caveats, to complicate your perspective....

These beauty standards, like a lot of fucked-up traditions, probably have roots in the need of the tribe to be strong, in this example by mating the powerful male to the nubile female. They're not totally arbitrary, therefore are hard to get rid of.

In other words, you're not going to have other people stop wondering why you're lettin' them greys overtake your head for another decade or three. So if it bugs you that people talk about it, it might be easier to give in than to be a beacon of principled resistance. Or not.

Secondly, beauty itself is a power. There are lots of studies on the attractiveness advantage, where people get better treatment for looking conventionally purty. Now we can agree that it is dumb and shallow to discriminate on the basis of looks, but, in my opinion, if you're not taking advantage of the rules, it's like leaving money on the ground. It's like tying a hand behind your back. It's like (another metaphor).

Third and least magisterially, it's ain't just women who stress over looks. Yes, on the whole men have it waaaaaaaay better but, that aside, as individuals we men do stress out how we look. Tallness, strong jaw, good hairline, muscles - all of that imparts confidence and the absence of them is a disadvantage.

8 6Rating: +2

Business

Dec 2, 2021 at 7:36pm

If you don’t keep up the appearance expect to be passed over for promotions and you could possibly lose jobs for not looking presentable in the work world. Sad but true. Are you willing to risk a career because you don’t want to keep appearances. This is beyond the dating world.

2 7Rating: -5

@ I Get It

Dec 2, 2021 at 8:24pm

Hyprocitical standards? Pfft yeah whatever.
I was getting grey hair at 23 and no woman ever said "Aw gee that's cute", rather they took it as me having some sort of health problem. The questions ranged from asking if I had cancer, going bald,and wondering if I had other genetic "problems".
As to your last virtue signalling paragraph- you contradict yourself. First you say men have it waaaay better...then you list all of the things that men need to be socially acceptable. But you also missed a few things like career, money,car,condo- when all women have to be is not too bad looking and be kinda pleasant. They don't even need a good job to attract a guy.

12 3Rating: +9

It’s 100% up to you

Dec 2, 2021 at 10:36pm

If you’re looking for a mate then looking as youthful as possible does expand your options as a woman. If you want those options, it makes sense to put in the effort to look as young as possible, I don’t think an argument can be made against this.

However! Looking your age or older has nothing to do with your value as a person or the opportunity you have to enjoy your life. So it’s really up to you if you want to chase the standards or chill, neither is inherently wrong. What other people think is pretty irrelevant here as your youthfulness has absolutely nothing to do with them.

9 1Rating: +8

I get it

Dec 2, 2021 at 10:50pm

It IS exhausting trying to keep up appearances. But here’s a fact: I get treated better when I make an effort. If I go out in my black hoodie with no makeup I get followed in the stores because they mistakenly assume I’m a shoplifter. If I wear a nice coat and have makeup on, the shopkeepers are friendlier. I don’t want to pay $100 each time to cover my grey roots but I look and feel like crap when they show up. If you’re 30, you’re so young, and I think you should maximize that, because that freshness disappears in a bad way in both men and women once you hit 40. It really depends on what makes you feel good. Maybe just let loose and go natural for 6 months and see how you feel. You might love it and never feel the pressure of social appearances again. Btw, it’s all subjective. My friend is a woman with short hair and greying, with no makeup. I think she is beautiful. But my husband says “She’s not aging well.” You can’t keep everyone happy, so just make yourself happy.

13 1Rating: +12

Invisible

Dec 3, 2021 at 6:29am

Many older women say they become invisible cause they look older. Do you want to become invisible at the age of 30.

2 8Rating: -6

Anonymous

Dec 3, 2021 at 9:46am

So you have given up.

Nice.

The line forms on the left here folks.

2 2Rating: 0

@I get it (#1)

Dec 3, 2021 at 4:20pm

Nailed me on the virtue signal but I will maintain that in general we have it easier, starting with the physical advantage. You know how annoying/threatening it is to encounter a truly large fellow? It’s got to be even worse as a female person. Not even when being menaced but all the time, being short at a concert for example.

As for men needing to have a career, car, condo - well, yes. That’s an obligation. But it’s also achievable. There is a well worn path to it and men are by default on it. There’s no glass ceiling for us.

It’s not automatic or even easy to make the necessary dough especially in this burg, I grant you

1 0Rating: +1

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