tiredeyes

sometimes, like right now, i get overwhelmed because my parents love me, and i never saw my mom, and now she always texts me, just to let me know that's she thinking of me and that she loves me. i had all this resentment, but i really wanted my mom to love me deep down. as a child, i just wanted her to come and see me because nothing was stopping her. i cried a lot after christmas because my dad apologized for hurting me and wished he stood up for me more, he realized that i was completely neglected. it felt really good to be loved by my parents, for them to acknowledge the past. i feel like a child now. i'm twenty six and i'm sobbing because i'm so relieved to be loved by my parents. i never felt this love when i was a kid. they were both drunk and yelled at us all of the time. my sister is estranged from our family and she's got her own issues, but i guess in a way i held it together well enough. i have a hard time seeing her and accepting the way that she cut everyone off, but i understand. i'll always be her sister who lived that same life she did. i screwed up on a lot of things but i haven't fallen apart quite yet. in some ways, i'm really lucky. i'm grateful for my family and this life.

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Anonymous

Jan 13, 2022 at 4:39am

Your story though quite heart felt seems very made up to me.
Shouldn't you be happier now that you did find the love you so wanted ?

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Ummm

Jan 13, 2022 at 7:40am

You say "I screwed up a lot of things and I haven't fallen apart quite yet." Your parents might be thinking exactly the same thing. You are having a hard time now and your parents may have been trying to raise you while they were having a hard time then. If everyone in the family can put themselves in other people's shoes to get a sense of where they were at, there could be compassion, forgiveness and happiness.

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Just an observation

Jan 13, 2022 at 7:58am

You use the word "I" so much that there's a red flag about how you view the world around you.When you talk about others it's overwhelming from the "I" perspective. Meaning you don't see life through there perspective or their apologies ad words through their views, you see them from a. preconceived view of what "I" want from others.

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You who are on the road

Jan 13, 2022 at 12:08pm

Must have a code
That you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a goodbye
Teach your children well
Their father's hell
Did slowly go by
And feed them on your dreams
The one they pick's the one you'll know by
Don't you ever ask them, "Why?"
If they told you, you would cry
So, just look at them and sigh
And know they love you -- Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young

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@Just

Jan 13, 2022 at 5:40pm

Whats the point in trying to see the world from alcoholics who abused OP for decades?
I went through the exact same thing with parents and older siblings,but ran away from home at 16 once I got my drivers license, a $300 minivan,and saved up some money to drive across the country to end up here. And in the last 25 years haven't googled them a single time...just don't care.

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@@Just

Jan 14, 2022 at 9:07am

The simple reason for trying to see the world through the eyes of alcoholics is to understand why they thought alcohol was more important than their children. Then you can avoid following that same logic yourself. It's important to remember that substance abusers generally feel really shitty about it.

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A woman I dated once

Jan 18, 2022 at 4:12pm

Wanted kids because, as she said, they are the only people you can count on when you get old. So really, she wanted ready-made free long term care providers. It's possible your parents only just realized this is also what they want and are making up for lost time before they lose the only potential care provider they have left.

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