Don’t understand

I admit my friends confound me. My friend disappeared for 3-4 years; I texted him happy birthday, Christmas, New Years messages. Nothing. Out of the blue he msg’d me. I can’t say I’m elated to hear from him. Another friend ditched me for half a year after I lost my job. Then msg’d me. I feel like these friends are only coming back because they want something. I’ve moved on because I’ve learned to live without them in my hardest times. I know ppl here will fire back at me “You’re lucky, I have no one” kind of thing. But that’s exactly it. These ppl made me feel very alone and now they present themselves before me. So much has happened and our friendship has deflated so much and I don’t feel excitement to pump it back up again.

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I know what you mean

Apr 27, 2022 at 1:44am

Luckily for me the acquaintances I hung out with said it was their way or the highway I always take the highway.
True friends always stick around no matter what that's when you know who is a friend and who is an acquaintance.
If any of the former texted me after no contact for a few years I'd ignore the text.

22 6Rating: +16

You’re right

Apr 27, 2022 at 7:26am

Trust your gut feeling about this situation. Even if they might have been going through something difficult, if they ignored your attempts to reach out to them, they’re not a friend.

15 0Rating: +15

The smell of karma

Apr 27, 2022 at 12:21pm

They smell the karma shift coming. As their karma hits rock bottom yours is going to take off through the roof. They're hoping to get in on some of your action but they'll only serve to bring you down. Let them drown. They reap what they sowed.

17 5Rating: +12

Many post university "friends" like that over here

Apr 27, 2022 at 1:18pm

You find out a year or two after graduation they actually never cared about you; you can be almost homeless with no employment and they never reply to your texts because chances are they came from wealth and lack emotional intelligence. They are scum so you are forced to move on.

15 4Rating: +11

Those people

Apr 27, 2022 at 7:58pm

Users are users, even those disguised as friends. It’s hard to admit when your actual friends turn out to be users. They’re often more subtle about it, but that subtle manipulation can play out over years before you realize it for what it is. So beware of friends with end games who see you as a means of achieving them.

15 5Rating: +10

Reconnecting

Apr 28, 2022 at 10:22pm

Old friends suddenly showing up after a long absence are always disappointing in my experience, I have learned some things about life but they inevitably have not. Unfortunately 'friend' is a word best left at the schoolyard gate.

6 5Rating: +1

I'm sorry

Apr 30, 2022 at 10:41am

That your friends have treated you so disposable. Instead of sticking by you in your hardest moments, they skipped out on the standing by you part and reconnected after things simmered down for you. They probably see you as a loyal friend, seeing as one had the nerve to ignore you for 4 years and only then reach out. Good friends have the kind of relationship where you dont have to talk for a long time and can then reignite things, but this is different. You didnt deserve that. If I were you, I would seriously consider keeping them around as friends at all. At the same time, I'd consider keeping them barely within arms reach while looking for real, new friends. Perhaps you're at an age where people are figuring themselves out for real (ie. 30 years old) and are really narrowing down who they want to spend their limited time with. Focus on scoping out people who enjoy your same hobbies (ie. Join a sport or something where you can meet these people) and dont rely on your old friends to be someone they're not. Keep them as acquaintances

3 2Rating: +1

OP

May 1, 2022 at 10:13pm

Thanks for everyone’s thoughts and feedback. I really appreciate it. I have been slow to process this as it has caused me a lot of pain to now deal with this friend suddenly coming back into my life after ignoring me for years, plus throughout all of the pandemic.

I have held my ground and haven’t responded to their “re-entry” text. Their silence over 3-4 years has done considerable irreparable damage. We had some really great times but those are just memories now, photos to look back on, and best to just leave those memories in the attic. It’s the past. Friendships bud, blossom, and decay like flowers. I should do a little burial for what we had to give it closure for me. Regard the friend who ditched me for half a year after I lost my job, I will be seeing her, because the connection we had meant a lot to me. I considered her one of my best friends. It’s weird how one person may love another person more in a friendship. She always gave me ideas and challenged me and we would “level up” together. It’s hard to explain, but I will see her, and yes, will be guarded a little. I won’t ever feel carefree and lighthearted about her again after she provided zero comfort in my unemployment. I honestly don’t view people in general (friends/family/strangers) the same after the pandemic. I learned : You are on your own, literally.

5 2Rating: +3

@OP

May 3, 2022 at 1:00pm

That is some hard-won wisdom, but it is wisdom nonetheless.

2 1Rating: +1

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