Fuck being friends

Why would someone want to just be friends after a hot, passionate love affair didn’t work out? We were so attracted to each other but terrible as a couple. When it’s over, it’s over no more staying in my life.

19 Comments

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Mutual friend

May 11, 2022 at 8:49pm

There are some politics to everything in life, including personal relationships. I'm letting you off easy because I still have some use for your friends. Just accept that fact, because I can butcher your relationship with those same friends if you don't.

1 12Rating: -11

I'm gonna be sexist

May 11, 2022 at 9:02pm

And figure a guy wrote this.

14 9Rating: +5

The Grudge

May 11, 2022 at 9:54pm

Very American. They say the English remain friends, the Americans become enemies, and with the Japanese the relationship didn't even happen after a breakup. The English are obviously the most mature when it comes to a breakup.

17 8Rating: +9

No kidding

May 11, 2022 at 10:52pm

Once nothing works out, then there’s really no point in being friends. It would be too awkward. The damage is already done so better to just leave the past behind and move on. Give yourself time to let the wounds heal instead of picking at them.

17 2Rating: +15

@The Grudge

May 12, 2022 at 1:17am

What about Canadians?

5 2Rating: +3

Not sure

May 12, 2022 at 1:26am

About wounds just sounds like fuck buddies to me.

0 1Rating: -1

Very revelatory

May 12, 2022 at 3:16am

Like anyone here believes that the OP is over whoever they had a "hot, passionate love affair" with.
I mean, really, describing what they had as hot & passionate? And then to jump to this huge contrast about how they were terrible together? I can't help but think that the reason it didn't work out lies with the broken-hearted, bitter person who has gone to the extreme, yet still thinks it was hot, passionate love. Unresolved very strong feelings remain.
Someone definitely hasn't let go.

5 6Rating: -1

Yes except

May 12, 2022 at 4:47am

Except when there’s other people involved. There are situations where you have to remain in your ex’s life in spite of being exes. Such as if you have kids together, or if you have mutual friends and you’ll find yourself in the same place now and again. In those situations you’ll need to be mature enough to at least be civil with each other, even if it’s really hard.

10 1Rating: +9

Agree

May 12, 2022 at 9:32am

IMO refusing to maintain a friendship after a breakup is not an immature move, as others have stated.

Rather, it's a solid step toward closing off one chapter of your life so that you can re-build the emotional capacity to continue living the rest of it.

13 2Rating: +11

Agreed

May 12, 2022 at 9:58am

My ex-husband (at the end of a challenging four year marriage) told me we were going to stay "friends" but I said no, for the following reasons:

a) he made it clear he didn't respect or like me throughout the marriage, so who needs friends like that?

b) I think he wanted to be able to say "But we're still friends!" to negate any consequences for his decision to end the marriage

c) Optics - so he'd look good to his mom and our mutual acquaintances

d) he wanted to stay in control of my life by still being a part of it

e) he'd casually mentioned something about his nephew looking for "friends with benefits" and I was afraid that he'd be thinking of that - or to keep me in his back pocket as someone to fall back on if life doesn't go as planned. Very unhealthy - you either fish or cut bait (and he'd refused to work on the marriage).

I declined - as he'd made it clear he didn't like me as a human (with friends like that, who needs enemies?), and I believe that adage that if people stay friends after a breakup, it means one of them is still hopeful for reconciliation - and I knew that wasn't happening.

PS - after the breakup, I did ask myself - a few times - if I could be 'friends' with him and each time I had a very strong physical response. Realized I was experiencing some mild PTSD as a result of the marriage, and that told me everything I needed to know about being "friends" after. Cut him out of my life and I'm so much happier.

So go with your instincts. You don't need this angst in your life.

19 2Rating: +17

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