Lost

So I’m in my almost mid 20’s and I’ve been through the foster care system growing up, I was 6 when I went in and a huge part of me now is trying to get answers from my parents. We don’t have the best connection and I haven’t and don’t talk to them very often. I saw them in person a year back now and my purpose was to get those difficult questions answered but I cowered away and pretty much left after the first hour with them. Those questions never got answered and I feel like it’s been slowly eating at me for the past year, I feel like I need the answers to know myself and understand. Idk tho. The answers I get I guess is what scares me most. I’m going to plan a trip again to go see them. I need answers

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I've sadly been around a lot of that in my family too

May 28, 2022 at 9:38pm

and I don't want to sound simplistic by bringing out the old saying: 'Hurt people hurt people' but it is so true. Your mom and dad are themselves going through intergenerational trauma and hopefully starting to accomplish their own trauma recovery. Like our wonderful hero Terry Fox said: "Someplace the hurting must stop" and as much as possible let that place be in you; and then you can help those who came before you and those who will come into this world through you. This world can certainly be rough and challenging, but it is also a beautiful place and life is for the living; so Walk good Sisters and Brothers.

15 3Rating: +12

@ I’ve sadly

May 29, 2022 at 3:24am

I commend you for being able to show compassion for those who came before you, in spite have having endured your own trauma. As a senior I’ve had time to really process all of the traumatic experiences inflicted upon me, unknowingly and unintentionally, by my own parents. They were also victims of inter generational issues. I believe that today’s generations have a distinct advantage that our parents did not. They have access to unlimited information about this subject thanks to the internet. It’s widely and openly discussed. Whereas before the advent of the internet and social media, one had to actively search out that information, and keeping silent about “family issues” was typical. So Op, please don’t give up hope because you are so young and you can definitely heal from these childhood wounds, as painful as they are. Please continue to reach for help, and connecting with support groups online can be an easy way to begin.

10 1Rating: +9

Anonymous

May 29, 2022 at 12:05pm

Try writing down all of your questions first.

15 0Rating: +15

At some

May 29, 2022 at 12:32pm

point you need to realize that they chose to not be there for you and move on. Answers can sometimes lead to more questions, and around and around it goes for years……,

14 7Rating: +7

@At

May 29, 2022 at 3:29pm

Maybe the parents had drug/alcohol problems or violent fights or both and they realized that living with them wasn't healthy for their child. Maybe something else.
Do you feel the same way about parents (usually single, young women) who give up their child for adoption?
But if seeing things from a negative point of view make you happy, so be it.

@ OP Please don't become someone who automatically assumes negatively. Actually, don't assume at all in life.
Some people want desperately to believe their assumptions are correct and will fight to avoid hearing the truth

11 9Rating: +2

northislandgal

May 30, 2022 at 7:50am

Please understand there are no answers.

6 9Rating: -3

It's usually drugs

May 30, 2022 at 12:54pm

Maybe they had a drug induced lifestyle and couldn't deal with the responsibility. That's usually the case, but at least you weren't aborted.

8 7Rating: +1

@@At

May 30, 2022 at 2:16pm

You project your personality and fears onto others a lot on here don't you?

@@@At

May 30, 2022 at 4:00pm

Fears of assumptions that can fuck up friendships/relationships? Hell yeah.

7 5Rating: +2

the house I grew up in

May 30, 2022 at 8:24pm

I used to call it the Xxxxxxxx family orphanage. It's gone, I'm old and my parents are ancient. I feel like they don't know me and don't want to but they do want me to visit so they can babble at me. My relationship with the rest of the human race is pretty much non existent.

2 0Rating: +2

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