What’s the point

My mom died when I was 30. Eight years have passed now and so much has changed. Even though the loss was earth-shattering for me, I somehow managed to make a lot of forward movement in my life. Despite having a loving husband and dogs, I feel so lonely without my mom. She truly was my best friend and it’s been so hard to fill the giant hole she’s left in my heart and life. I depended so much on her friendship and have made many efforts to make new friends in recent years. But I’ve just had a series of disappointments. Efforts and care that have not been reciprocated, flakiness and people not showing up for me when I’ve needed them the most… I wear my heart on my sleeve and work in a profession that requires me to care for the emotional needs of others but don’t have friends that show their care for me. Thank goodness for my husband and my dogs. I wouldn’t have survived this nightmare if it wasn’t for their love. I’m honestly just so tired……….. :(

9 Comments

Post a Comment

Grief

May 13, 2022 at 4:26am

It sounds like you are still grieving, and my heart goes out to you. It’s great that you’ve got your husband, but we all need other relationships besides our partners, in order to not overwhelm them with our emotional needs. Maybe you didn’t develop the skills you needed to gain and keep friends because you spent so much time with your mother instead? I’ve known a couple of other women like that who didn’t have a normal mother-daughter relationship because they were like besties instead. I mean, it’s nice to be close to your kids, but I’m not sure that it’s healthy for the child to depend so much on their parent for companionship that they don’t learn how to develop those other relationships. It’s hard to make close friends when you’re older because everyone is so busy with their own lives and families, etc. It’s also pretty common nowadays for people to be really unreliable and flaky like you’re describing. I’m sure you know all the usual suggestions about joining groups with people who enjoy similar hobbies or pastimes as you, so maybe this is what you should be concentrating on in order to fix your conundrum. And remember that grieving a lost relationship isn’t a static thing, because it comes in waves when you’ll find yourself overcome by it. Even years later. My own mother lost her mom when she was 40, and she recently told me that she’s still not over it, although it’s been 50 years since it happened. So be kind to yourself, and keep trying to break out of your comfort zone when it comes to forging new relationships.

13 1Rating: +12

I understand

May 13, 2022 at 7:57am

You’ve moved forward a lot in your life and have a loving husband and dog. And yes, no one can take your mother’s place as no one will ever love you more than your mom did. I can’t remember where I read this but someone suggested talking to your mom and telling her you love her every day, even though she’s no longer physically present, can help. My moms getting older and I sometimes think about how we will all feel when she passes through to the Other Side. Perhaps we have a hard time finding our mother’s quality love from friends but we could provide quality love to others (living beings and community). Sending a hug to you.

9 0Rating: +9

I feel your grief

May 13, 2022 at 10:25am

I have a very similar story...lost my mom, my best friend coming up 9 yrs ago this year. It still hurts like crazy. Life certainly has not felt the same without her in it. The unconditional Love is so missing. Unlike you, I do not have a husband or dog, so it has been a tough ride. Hang on tight to your partner and feel blessed to have him. It has been a very lonely road!

14 0Rating: +14

Getting over it

May 14, 2022 at 11:49am

No such thing in spite of what people may tell you. All you do is learn to live with the grief and the loss. Never expect to get over it. Won't happen. Once you have this understanding, things get easier.

9 1Rating: +8

I've been feeling strangely sad lately

May 15, 2022 at 1:16am

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heartfelt condolences

5 0Rating: +5

Cemented by grief

May 15, 2022 at 1:27am

To so many people too. It's terrible but what can you do? We don't choose our fate

2 0Rating: +2

Bingo

May 15, 2022 at 3:19am

There is no point. California is burning. And Hollywood North will be no different.

1 1Rating: 0

@Getting over it

May 15, 2022 at 8:10am

Not true for everyone. My dad died in 2007, mom in 2012 and they rarely even cross my mind-like I'm talking maybe a couple times a year.

1 4Rating: -3

This made me cry

May 18, 2022 at 8:11pm

I don’t know how I will cope when my Mom passes
She is 80
It’s true , no one will ever love us as much as our Mommas did.

3 0Rating: +3

Join the Discussion

What's your name?