I truly suck at going out again

Just like it took time to adjust to keeping away from people and staying home for 2.5 years, it is taking time for me to re-enter the world in normal activities again. Forgive me friends, for overdrinking. I spent the last 2 years drinking all my drinks with 50% ice. So drinking everything full strength and not diluted, I was a wreck and ended up puking all night. Next, I tried a group hike, which sounds like a fun fresh-air idea, but after 4.5 hours of talking and being with people I don't know, I was completely and mentally exhausted by the end of it. Not used to being with people for so long anymore. I am sorry that I stopped talking at one point; I literally could not think of anything else to say. Hadn't we talked about everything that needed to be said? Was life really like this before, pre-pandemic? How did I get so socially weakened? Next, I tried the club. The music was *deafening* and made me exhausted. I could not hear any of my friends without them yelling into my face. Did I really pay money to seek out this environment before? The food that I eat in restaurants have weird additives (probably msg) that keep me up until dawn. So used to everything I eat made from scratch. Everything is sensory overload, from the way people look at me up and down, to deciding how much to tip. Last night again I found myself out of words with friends. I am not this odd, truly, the pandemic really altered my previous social brain into something I don't recognize. Reintegrating "back to normal", I'm trying, I'm trying, but not doing it very gracefully. Apologies if I appear slow or catatonic or want to go home early... it is Me, not You.

4 Comments

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Hmmm....

Jun 14, 2022 at 8:50am

Sounds to me like you've gotten back to basics, unconditioned by societal expectations. And perhaps discovering you're a true introvert. To me, the feelings you describe are perfectly normal, and even healthy. Choose the path that works for you - it may be that part of you doesn't want to go back to that previous life; you may have discovered a new 'normal'. Nothing wrong with that.

9 0Rating: +9

Don't bother

Jun 14, 2022 at 9:35am

Don't bother adjusting if it takes you time. Lock downs start again this September after the politicians are done with their holidays.

7 2Rating: +5

Back to baseline

Jun 15, 2022 at 1:04pm

yup. you did it. you are society-detoxed and now a settled, real and grounded human being. yaaaaaay! more of you, please! =)

3 0Rating: +3

Anonymous

Jun 22, 2022 at 1:42pm

I agree with the other commenters. It sounds like you are gaining clarity into what truly brings you health and happiness -- yay! Some people never get in touch with their authentic self. It sounds like you're on your way there :).

Quick side story -- I grew up in small town BC. I started partying at 12 to fit in, but I eventually quit booze and turned into a COMPLETELY different person. I soon realized I was an introvert and an 'HSP' or 'highly sensitive person". Your story resonated with me...so maybe a couple resources might help you as much as they helped me :).

Here's a questionnaire if you're curious. Learning about HSPs has given me a toolbox to deal with a world that often feels overwhelming:

https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

I also recommend checking out the book 'Quiet' by Susan Cain. A great source of info on how western society has overvalued extroversion...to the detriment of introverts!

We need quiet, contemplative, deep thinkers in the world. People like you :). Good luck in your journey.

0 0Rating: 0

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