I truly suck at going out again
posted June 13th, 2022 at 3:39 PM
Just like it took time to adjust to keeping away from people and staying home for 2.5 years, it is taking time for me to re-enter the world in normal activities again. Forgive me friends, for overdrinking. I spent the last 2 years drinking all my drinks with 50% ice. So drinking everything full strength and not diluted, I was a wreck and ended up puking all night. Next, I tried a group hike, which sounds like a fun fresh-air idea, but after 4.5 hours of talking and being with people I don't know, I was completely and mentally exhausted by the end of it. Not used to being with people for so long anymore. I am sorry that I stopped talking at one point; I literally could not think of anything else to say. Hadn't we talked about everything that needed to be said? Was life really like this before, pre-pandemic? How did I get so socially weakened? Next, I tried the club. The music was *deafening* and made me exhausted. I could not hear any of my friends without them yelling into my face. Did I really pay money to seek out this environment before? The food that I eat in restaurants have weird additives (probably msg) that keep me up until dawn. So used to everything I eat made from scratch. Everything is sensory overload, from the way people look at me up and down, to deciding how much to tip. Last night again I found myself out of words with friends. I am not this odd, truly, the pandemic really altered my previous social brain into something I don't recognize. Reintegrating "back to normal", I'm trying, I'm trying, but not doing it very gracefully. Apologies if I appear slow or catatonic or want to go home early... it is Me, not You.
4 Comments
Post a CommentHmmm....
Jun 14, 2022 at 8:50am
Sounds to me like you've gotten back to basics, unconditioned by societal expectations. And perhaps discovering you're a true introvert. To me, the feelings you describe are perfectly normal, and even healthy. Choose the path that works for you - it may be that part of you doesn't want to go back to that previous life; you may have discovered a new 'normal'. Nothing wrong with that.
Don't bother
Jun 14, 2022 at 9:35am
Don't bother adjusting if it takes you time. Lock downs start again this September after the politicians are done with their holidays.
Back to baseline
Jun 15, 2022 at 1:04pm
yup. you did it. you are society-detoxed and now a settled, real and grounded human being. yaaaaaay! more of you, please! =)
Anonymous
Jun 22, 2022 at 1:42pm
I agree with the other commenters. It sounds like you are gaining clarity into what truly brings you health and happiness -- yay! Some people never get in touch with their authentic self. It sounds like you're on your way there :).
Quick side story -- I grew up in small town BC. I started partying at 12 to fit in, but I eventually quit booze and turned into a COMPLETELY different person. I soon realized I was an introvert and an 'HSP' or 'highly sensitive person". Your story resonated with me...so maybe a couple resources might help you as much as they helped me :).
Here's a questionnaire if you're curious. Learning about HSPs has given me a toolbox to deal with a world that often feels overwhelming:
https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/
I also recommend checking out the book 'Quiet' by Susan Cain. A great source of info on how western society has overvalued extroversion...to the detriment of introverts!
We need quiet, contemplative, deep thinkers in the world. People like you :). Good luck in your journey.
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