Changing the goalposts

posted July 10th, 2022 at 5:54 AM

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone when you felt constantly off-balance and confused? Like you want to make them happy but for some reason no matter what you do they’re never quite satisfied? I’ve been ruminating on all of the things I ignored that led to me staying in a very dysfunctional relationship with someone who was always changing the goalposts. They wanted this so I gave it to them but suddenly this wasn’t enough and they wanted that, so I gave it to them, but then they wanted such and such, etc, etc, etc.. It was exhausting. Big red flags that I waved away because I kept thinking that if I just could get it right they would finally be happy with me. Now I can see the manipulation for what it was; just another mind game designed to keep me questioning myself instead of them. They said I wasn’t “consistent” enough because of the times I’d finally get so frustrated that I’d get fed up and leave. Another manipulative response to my very normal reaction to being jerked around. I’d wind up apologizing for becoming upset, and they would “give us another chance”. Then it would happen all over again. Being completely away from this situation for some time now has really clarified exactly what was going on, and now I vow to always listen to my gut instincts and never EVER again ignore red flags!

8 Comments

Anonymous

Jul 10, 2022 at 8:12pm

I dated a woman who was nine years younger than I was, and I realized she didn't really know who she was as a person, and that's why goal post kept changing. She kept saying she didn't feel the age difference, but I certainly did. When I see a man lusting after a younger woman, I think to myself, be careful what you wish for, it'll be a roller coaster of indecision and a person in search of an Identity.

Beenthere

Jul 10, 2022 at 10:41pm

I went through this for over 20 years in a marriage. I am now seperated. It's a lot to get used to but I knew I'd never win. I am relieved now, I don't have to live that anymore.

Control Freaks

Jul 11, 2022 at 6:47am

Control Freaks are just that...Freaks. Live and learn.

Get out

Jul 11, 2022 at 8:41am

This person is gaslighting you, time to end it.

Manipulators....

Jul 11, 2022 at 1:31pm

are just plain evil, walk away asap.

Not worth it

Jul 11, 2022 at 3:57pm

You’ve got their number, so walk away now with what’s left of your sanity.

Anonymous

Jul 12, 2022 at 12:34am

It's sad you felt shame apologizing for their behaviour when it should be the other way around. Do these types ever apologize or do they keep pulling the wool over others eyes, amassing cheerleaders and enablers of their behaviour, eager to validate them, to the point they're never wrong?

Alexis

Jul 13, 2022 at 10:04am

Is sad , I’m drying my eyes as I was scrolling confessions … I just got home from a similar “relationshit” argument . I’ve done SOOOOO much much for my partner , and anytime I make a comment or suggestion I’m either stuffed off or told to shut up . I fell in love with lies , and when all the red flags in the world where being waved in my face I closed my eyes and kept following him . But I just went thru a almost grossly similar fight to the one we had last week and the week before etc …. Everything is fine , when suddenly he wants to dig at me , and dig , hoping for a reaction , but I’ve trained my tears and my nerves to not react … so he continues .. then 5 hours after I initially said “ I HAVE TO GO HOME “ he’s chasing me down the street telling me I’m storming off ??? And to grow up ???? Wtf ? Why not use your phone , you literally just chased me screaming my name to tell me that…. And I’ve wasted 2+ years always being sorry , always trying to be better , always feeling like shit about myself . @$&%# …… just take a deep breath , and move forward . In a way that makes you happy , and you feel good . Lesson learned , never ignore red light , red flags or red heads ❤️