Not allowed

to like my body, to feel comfortable in my own body, to want sex, to have sex, to enjoy sex, because of a strict conservative upbringing. Not wanting to burn in hell. People make fun of these beliefs but when you grow up in it, it's very difficult. I feel so disconnected from my own body. It's very strange. I want to deprogram myself but don't know how.

24 Comments

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Did you say Hell ?

Jul 14, 2022 at 8:44am

I hate to be the one to break it to you but your already in hell.
We all are.
Enjoy !

3 5Rating: -2

Anonymous

Jul 14, 2022 at 9:13am

I've heard hell defined as a place of pain and anguish and utter sorrow where nothing is fair and just and you are in constant state of turmoil and desperation and you have to a hard lesson to learn over and over til you get it right. But it's never right !
Gee that sounds like here doesn't it ?
Welcome to Hell "mahahaha " insert devious laugh !

3 4Rating: -1

CBT therapy!

Jul 14, 2022 at 9:42am

You can buy yourself ‘Mind over mood’ for 35$ Or if you have the money find a CBT therapist

4 3Rating: +1

Endless torment

Jul 14, 2022 at 11:27am

Then there’s the “thinking it is just as bad as doing it”… being told that by my Sunday school teacher f***ed me right up. I still live with it. I guess her plan and wish was to torment me endlessly and have me turn to hard drugs. I’m settled on: these hypocrites can go to the hell they’ve created for others. It’s child abuse. Stop lying to children to protect your own hides.

11 3Rating: +8

crawl, walk, run

Jul 14, 2022 at 11:47am

Your confession reaches a lot of us. My 2 cents? A strict conservative upbringing is a big deal, but there are other consumerist pressures on us that further distance us from our bodies. When we live in the real world of wind, cold, heat, rain, we can reclaim some of our physical selves. Spending so much of our time in indoor, climate-controlled spaces, inside motor vehicles, always trying to be clean, dry, keeping our hair nice, our makeup undisturbed, not sweating...all this divorces us from our bodies. Get outside, sweat, get dirty, get soaked in the rain, feel the discomfort of trudging or cycling a long way through the heat, cold, whatever, and then, after the shower and change into clean clothes, feel the glow and satisfaction of living in your physicality. You don't need to become a fitness guru, just a human who has a more intimate relationship with the elements of nature. Again, not counseling anyone to adopt a fitness regime, (no gyms!) just a more playful, messy, child-like attitude to the world outside our doors. My theory is this kind of thing makes us feel more connected, sexy and optimistic.

19 1Rating: +18

Well...

Jul 14, 2022 at 12:45pm

You could try an Ayahuasca session or MDMA therapy under guidance

4 3Rating: +1

Reprogram [J]

Jul 14, 2022 at 2:07pm

Take your time, ease into it, pinpoint the moments when your old programming causes you to tense up, then replace those experiences with new, small pleasures. Little by little they'll grow into nice big satisfying pleasures.

It doesn't have to be sex, it can be dessert, kissing, staying up late. Any act of rebellion against the constrictions you encountered as a child. It all counts toward the same goal. Find people with the kind of open views and habits you want to develop, and talk about it with them, ask them questions, get used to talking out loud about your desires.

Be patient with yourself, and forgiving. A lot of us spend our childhoods building a wall. It takes a long time to rearrange all those bricks into a bridge.

12 1Rating: +11

Try Therapy

Jul 14, 2022 at 5:08pm

It can really help, though you might need to interview more than one therapist to find the one that's right for you. You don't need to feel this way. It can get better. Good luck!

5 1Rating: +4

At least…

Jul 14, 2022 at 7:07pm

You weren’t born when I was as a girl. My parents (and especially my father) believed that females shouldn’t have any sexual urges at all, and if they did there was something very wrong with them. So I grew up with massive shame thrown at me just for being a normal teenager in the 70’s. My brothers were actively encouraged to have as much sex as possible, but I wasn’t supposed to so much as think about it. I’ve spent a lifetime coping with the dilemma of being true to myself while trying to ignore the shame inflicted upon me for being human.

13 1Rating: +12

You could....

Jul 14, 2022 at 8:36pm

always join a sex cult.

2 6Rating: -4

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