Replaceable

Despite all the talk about how community and friends is what makes life livable I am constantly surprised how flakey people are and how disposable offers of connection are. Treat others as you want to be treated. If you agreed to spend time with people, stick to it. If you’re too busy say it when you’re being invited.

19 Comments

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Welcome to the Internet Age

Jul 23, 2022 at 10:03pm

With a unending ability to meet new people, people are ever seeking their best (most compatible) connections.

4 2Rating: +2

Anonymous

Jul 23, 2022 at 10:39pm

Oh no, a new arrival to the city of Vancouver... it's a flakey place. 604 Now did a poll asking if Vancouverites were flakey and 95% of the people polled said yes.

12 5Rating: +7

Choose wisely

Jul 24, 2022 at 3:52am

I’m a person with few friends. Always have been, and that’s fine with me because I prefer quality over quantity. I have one kinda/sorta friend who is definitely of the flakey variety, and because of their unreliable behaviour I’ve distanced myself from them several times. My other friends are the type of people who I consider to be real. So it’s up to you to choose your friends wisely, because it’s true that we teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate. If someone is constantly flaking on you for no legitimate reason (like illness or some equally reasonable excuse), then just quietly remove yourself from their life. If they value you enough then they’ll make the effort to show up for you, and if not then you haven’t lost much.

14 2Rating: +12

Hugs!

Jul 24, 2022 at 8:21am

As someone who has backed out of plans before, consider that sometimes things come up, people have mood changes, get tired easily after the stressful few years we've all had, have different circles that sometimes require their attention (families, etc). I sometimes make plans for Fridays or get invited to something and then Friday rolls around and I.just.can't. It's not that I don't care for or love my friends, but I also believe in caring for ourselves and being conscious of needing rest, etc. Find grace for your friends who bail. And for yourself too. I know how disappointed you must feel. I think trying to not take it personally has helped me with similar feelings over the years. Keep reaching out and don't give up!

Yesterday..

Jul 24, 2022 at 9:31am

I experienced this. My friend held and event where about 17 people said they would come and bout 6 people showed up. A few had excuses, others didn't even say they weren't coming. My friend put a lot of effort in so I felt bad for her. Also, in all honestly I didn't even want to be there. But I said I would, so I stuck to my word.

19 0Rating: +19

Everyone

Jul 24, 2022 at 10:09am

is constantly looking for the better, cooler, trendier option. Dont caste pearls before swine. Save your energy and time for yourself and those that deserve it.

7 1Rating: +6

Corn flakes

Jul 24, 2022 at 12:30pm

Relentless self-interest breeds flakes and lack of connection with others. People here are so busy trying to get by and live their best lives, often at the expense of treating others with kindness. Let alone respect.

6 2Rating: +4

or Irreplaceable

Jul 24, 2022 at 6:41pm

I've only stood someone up once...when I realized I had a big crush on the person and panicked.

4 3Rating: +1

Hugs! and Everyone both said it well.

Jul 24, 2022 at 10:08pm

Whereas some people flake because they want the flexibility to bail for cooler plans (not considerate!), others may need some flexibility because of mood fluctuations, exhaustion, chronic illness, social anxiety, etc.

Those who fall into the second category understand the shame spiral of bringing down the mood of a room when we are feeling unwell. This is one of the reasons why I will sometimes withdraw from plans.

4 2Rating: +2

cat

Jul 25, 2022 at 7:34am

This city seems to be notorious for people saying yes and then bailing. I have bailed a few times due to bouts of insomnia but I decided years ago to try my best to honour my committments and honestly,there have been many times when i wanted to bail but when I got there, I actually ended up having a good time. For me,half the battle is getting motivated to go but when I'm there,I end up enjoying myself and being glad I went.

8 0Rating: +8

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