Well...so much for that.

I'm a gay man, met another gay man, we went for drinks & as he was drinking his beer he asked me what my pronouns are, I said "well he, him obviously" then he says "my pronouns are they, them & I identify as non-binary"......after we parted, I said to myself "well this isn't going to work, time to keep looking"


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Jul 28, 2022 at 9:13pm

They have two ways of looking at the world. You are obligated to respond in a likewise manner. And if you can't, keep looking. Eventually you'll work it out with them.

7 9Rating: -2

Whatta guy

Jul 28, 2022 at 10:03pm

May want to do some self reflection on why as someone who could be discriminated against for their sexual orientation you are discriminating against someone for their gender orientation. Asking someone their pronouns is the considerate thing to do. It doesn’t mean it’s all consuming. It’s also only going to become more common, so it will suit you well to get comfortable with it. To base whether they are dateable based off of asking you your pronouns says way more about you than it does them.


Jul 28, 2022 at 10:52pm

I'm an ally, but why should I have to put my pronouns everywhere, like on my professional email signature? It's like announcing my genitals to the world. I am a cis female and identify as female. I appear as a cis female. I'm discriminated against for being a partially disabled female. My name is am obviously female name (not unisex like Jamie or Pat or Skylar or something). Why is it anyone's business? I'm not going to start using "they/them" pronouns to virtue signal that I'm an ally, because I see it as co-opting trans people's stuff or like some kind of weird appropriation. Same as why I don't say things like, "spill the tea", and why I don't use contouring makeup or speak in Ebonics or do blackfish style (I'm white). I respect and support other types of people, but I'm a cis woman who is like mostly straight (some sexual attraction to women but no romantic attraction and I am not part of any lesbian, queer, or bisexual community).
Why do I have to say, "my name is xyz and I use she/her pronouns". I might as well just say, "My name is xyz, and I have a VAGINA!!!!"
Why is it anyone's effing business? People can do whatever they want, but I'm not going to be pressured to focus on gender any more than it already is.

What a great confession

Jul 28, 2022 at 11:42pm


So true

Jul 29, 2022 at 5:59am

It's just annoying when people do this. And it's in the business world for absolutely no apparent reason except that everyone is afraid on stepping on these authoritarians' little toes.

@ Yeah

Jul 29, 2022 at 6:44am

Couple things:

Please don’t say you’re an “ally” and then state weird misinformed things that centre your experience. That is not allyship.

Furthermore, you don’t determine whether you are an ally, members of that community do.

You’re not “announcing your genitals” to the world by including your pronouns in email signatures, bios, etc. First, biological sex and gender identity are two different things. Secondly, indicating she/her is a way to normalize the call to use preferred pronouns, and is a step in the direction of allyship.

No one is asking you to use they/them pronouns if you identify as she/her. Your womanhood is not in question by other people’s gender identity or fluidity.

I know I’m being a bit harsh and perhaps unfairly making an example of you here. However, these are dangerous times for trans people and I think we could all do our part to help make things safer.

Why is this a problem?

Jul 29, 2022 at 8:32am

As we continue to try to be inclusive regardless of orientation this will sort itself out. I don't see the problem. By stating which pronouns you wish to be identified with (btw you must do it in a court situation when addressing the court) it does not necessarily mean you are telling the world you have a vagina or a penis or what the hell ever. It is a sign of respect, no more, no less. My problem is the older I get the harder a time I have remembering everyone! but I love you all anyway. Isn't that what it's also about - Love?

24 9Rating: +15


Jul 29, 2022 at 12:25pm

Ew. No one is saying you have to change your pronouns. They are saying respect other people's.
This entire thread belongs 20 years ago. Y'all are dated. Bigotry is the new skinny jean - out!


Jul 29, 2022 at 2:02pm

... only use natural language not artificial corporate jargon so I don't use anyone's pronouns because I believe in natural language. Natural language evolves over time and is never imposed by coercion.

currently asexual, I guess...

Jul 29, 2022 at 2:04pm

My pronouns, now that we are possessive about them, could be it/that but but I am happy to be a he/him and retain my residual white male privilege of blending in to the social environment.

10 8Rating: +2

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