I have a plan

It’s not an immediate one so no one would think to consider it a crisis. It’s more of a “once this thing happens I’ll do it” kind of plan. I have no desire to hurt anyone. In fact I love them all too much which is why the pain is so intense. There’s just nothing left to stay for and I know that it’s never going to change. This pain isn’t one I’m willing to live with. I’ve been around long enough to know how it goes. It gets better for a while but then it starts up again and I’m the target. I just can’t take it anymore. There’s nowhere to go that I can escape to. I can’t turn myself into someone else just to satisfy them. Nothing I do is ever going to be good enough. I’m not being dramatic either because it’s right there in the words they write to me. I’m not imagining it. When the only reason you have for getting up every day hates you or doesn’t care if you live or die then I just don’t see the point anymore. So that’s my confession. As soon as that one thing happens, I’m outta here.

7 Comments

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Anonymous

Aug 13, 2022 at 4:15am

Sorry to hear that.
Although I’m still dealing with depression myself and other problems caused by family abuse , I believe that we live for ourselves and we try our best to love people around us. But you, first and foremost.
“They” are probably having a hard time dealing with their life difficulties too. Often times other people are in a bad mood or don’t show you love as you wish, but that’s fine. We all have issues, and you don’t have to take it too personally. And please don’t do anything stupid, whatever you “plan to have happen”, please.

5 1Rating: +4

Anonymous

Aug 13, 2022 at 5:29am

Sounds like people are abusing you.

These people are scum. You owe them nothing.

3 2Rating: +1

Really M

Aug 13, 2022 at 7:03am

Don't wait for that one thing to happen.
You already know it will.
Leave now.
The excuses game is a long narrow road that only leads to dispare and more heartache !
You are worth so much more that that.
Believe me it's true !

5 3Rating: +2

What’s the one thing?

Aug 13, 2022 at 4:22pm

Lost of job?

0 1Rating: -1

Word of advice

Aug 13, 2022 at 7:52pm

Make something else your reason for getting up every day.

4 1Rating: +3

The one thing

Aug 14, 2022 at 2:51am

I have a commitment to someone who doesn’t have much longer to live. I can’t leave until after they’re gone because they would be devastated and I’d never do that to them. But once they are gone there’s nothing holding me here anymore. I’m already planning my escape.

3 0Rating: +3

The other thing is

Aug 15, 2022 at 10:45pm

Life is full of surprises don’t end it after such a difficult time looking after a love one dying. Live your best life even if it’s just walking around the beautiful city sitting at the beach. If you can take care of others in their time of need YOU are the people we need more of!

1 0Rating: +1

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