That’s a lonely and painful experience…

I echo your comments. I got a virus and have been unwell since. It's been over a year now and many people have said, "call me when you feel better". Well, I may never feel better, so screw the fairweather friends and I'll keep to my predictable boring little life I guess. I used to be pretty cool and accomplished. I used to be reliable and excel at things. Not anymore.

Is worth a fleet of fair-weather Phonecians

You have a sore foot?

Then fuck them. Keep making friends. As long as you're honest about not always being able to keep plans, and why, then people who genuinely like you will be happy to adapt, the same way you've had to adapt to get by in life.

I think we live in an ableist society where flare ups, energy fluctuations, and the need for flexibility are misunderstood as unreliability.

But don’t worry! There are a lot of us with disabilities and chronic illness who see your worth and have similar needs when it comes to friendship.

Thank you! It’s true that people who don’t have any serious health problems can often be ableist. They just assume that if they’re okay then everyone else should be too. In my case it’s a couple of issues that occasionally flare up and when they do I’m down for the count. Trying to explain it to someone who doesn’t have to live with it is useless, because they can’t understand just how debilitating it can be. Very painful. Fever. Vomiting. Can’t eat anything at all other than clear fluids, sometimes for weeks. Oftentimes hospitalized, or on antibiotics. When it doesn’t clear up it means major surgery. So it’s no picnic but whatever, it’s part of my life and I’ll just deal with it on my own. Fair weather friends aren’t worth having anyway, although I understand why they’re frustrated.