Rough day

I almost passed out today from anxiety in line at life labs where there were probably about 30 people waiting . My toddler has autism and was absolutely losing it. She looked possesed by a demon and screaming bloody murder. The glares from people and shaking their heads, rolling their eyes.. I honestly wanted to just die right there.. finally we were seen and the woman was trying to explain how to do the at home stool sample for my daughter I couldn't hear a word because my daughter was screaming so loud. I just said, "Okay, sounds good, thank you!" I couldn't want to leave. I was actually shaking and getting tunnel vision from panic. A woman held her hand out to me as I was leaving and held mine as a kind gesture which was nice. When I left the building I broke down in tears sobbing uncontrollably. Being a single mom is tough sometimes. I don't know how I'm not in the psych ward sometimes. I just tell myself it will be okay. It will be okay, right?

16 Comments

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That’s tough!

Aug 15, 2022 at 7:22pm

But in your case I’m not sure why you’re not reserving your spot by making an appointment? If your child has these types of problems coping with situations like that (and most small children would also not be happy having to wait like that), why not use the “save my spot” service? You would save yourself and everyone else from the headache of listening to your child screaming.

Just ignore those people

Aug 15, 2022 at 7:41pm

who roll their eyes. Unfortunately there are a lot of twits with no empathy or experience with kids. You are doing great !

16 3Rating: +13

OMG poor you!

Aug 15, 2022 at 7:52pm

That is an extremely difficult situation and it sounds like you handled it the best you could. Anyone judging you does not have any children, or a wide variety of children, in their lives. Do your best to ignore those people. Being a mom can be the hardest job at times. Everything will be okay because of the love you have for your little girl.

18 3Rating: +15

It's ok

Aug 15, 2022 at 8:26pm

Hi,
First off, you do what not just any person, nevermind parent can do. I know what caring for an autistic child is like from experience. Not many can fill your shoes and you know that. It will be ok, you are right. Hang in there, don't worry about what others think, they have not walked any steps in your shoes.

20 1Rating: +19

Elephantlapel

Aug 15, 2022 at 9:46pm

Mama, I am so sorry that happened to you. I have an autistic child as well and the public scenes are horrifying.
You are not alone. I am not judging you. Take care.

17 1Rating: +16

Resources

Aug 16, 2022 at 7:28am

Seriously, you are not alone. This organization helps people with challenged families.
Family Support Institute of B.C. office located in New Westminster.
https://familysupportbc.com/ 1-800-441-5403
227 6th Street
New Westminster, BC
V3L 3A5
I can relate to your story. I was waiting at a LifeLabs with my elderly mother for her appointment a few years ago. Waiting room was crowded, people were patient but a woman and her son were in one of the rooms and the boy was yelling at the top of his lungs: I WANT A HAMBURGER!!! I WANT A HAMBURGER!!! over and over. I smiled and looked at everyone in the room and said I want a hamburger, too. A young girl echoed me and people laughed. My mother remarked out loud: What is wrong with that boy?! and I said, He's autistic. She got all harumphy and I said, Remember you didn't talk until you were three years old? and she said, Yeah. I then told her it is now recognized that can be an indicator of autism. That shut her up. The boy's appointment went well although he was still yelling while he and his mother left. No harm, no foul.

10 0Rating: +10

To 'that's tough'

Aug 16, 2022 at 9:18am

You obviously haven't had to use our health care system lately have you? Even when a person has booked an appointment time with LifeLabs they arrive to find a HUGE lineup and they still have to wait to be seen. It's beyond broken now and no one is even trying to fix it.

16 1Rating: +15

Just a stranger on the internet

Aug 16, 2022 at 9:58am

Sending you good wishes. Kids scream & have tantrums. I never turn around & look because I don't want to add to the parent's stress. And why would people roll their eyes? You don't know that child's story. They could have chronic health issues. They could be extremely overdue for a nap. Apologies for rude people. Focus on your well being so you can focus on your child's well being, and tune out the ignorance. Keep calm & carry on!

16 0Rating: +16

Also...

Aug 16, 2022 at 11:16am

I have a friend who posted, years ago, on FB about having to haul a screaming toddler out of Costco and said there should be a secret code amongst parents to show support in times like that. I replied that there is - the "knowing smile": that's when a parent smiles a supportive smile at a parent who's having a challenging time (because we've been there and we get it). It's meant to convey empathy and understanding. So hopefully there were a few knowing smiles there, and lovely that the kind lady did more and literally gave you her hand in support. Many of us have been there and are not judging you. And for those who may've seemed glum, they may have been anxious about the procedures, or having to wait in a lab in Covid times - so their anxiety may not have been linked to your daughter's crying. Will you be alright? Sounds like you're a caring Mom who's doing her best every day - and that's a lot. Be proud of you.

10 1Rating: +9

Been there, my friend.

Aug 16, 2022 at 11:53am

First. You are doing the best you can at any given moment. Breathe. I am also in your shoes, but my kid is older. Early years were extremely hard. I had no extended family support, and had to deal with a lot on my own. Finding professional diagnosis and support was challenging road too, I recall.

I took some parenting classes voluntarily - they helped enhance my understanding and my support network. The toughest lesson for me was letting go of the importance of what other people might think or say. All my life until my kid was born, this had been important to me. But as kid got older, I learned this glaring/commenting stuff from others not personal (they could be having a bad day, or it says more about them than kid or I) - and that I needed to rise above it to best avocate for my kid, because he is affected by how others view him too. So if I am able to set an example of "rising above" for him, and give him unconditional positive regard as best I can (I do not like this behaviour, but I love you and am here for you - let me know what you need), he can start to instill this in himself.

Agree with above poster on calling ahead and scheduling as much as you can - this will make it easier for you. I remember meltdowns of 1 hour + when kid and I would show up somewhere (after much hassle) only to find it closed. Kid screaming and banging his head against the wall, me feeling like doing that too. Get some allies. Good friends are going to help. Get a good hug now and then too. Parents need those as well as kids!

10 1Rating: +9

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