Lightbulb moment!

I recently realized that this person I tried (and failed) to have a normal relationship with is very likely on the spectrum. Once I started thinking about their inability to relate to a lot of what’s considered normal human emotions the puzzle pieces started to come together. They’ve never had a long term relationship with anyone except their family, so it makes sense if I think of it that way. Otherwise they just seem so cold and insensitive, so thinking of them as being undiagnosed but on the spectrum makes it easier to have some empathy for them even though they don’t have any for anyone else.

13 Comments

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Questioning your empathy

Sep 21, 2022 at 7:07am

Working to correct the misinformation you have internalized (and are spreading) about autism would be the empathetic thing to do, rather than pathologizing someone from afar with a diagnosis you don’t understand.

15 5Rating: +10

Eleanor Rigby

Sep 21, 2022 at 9:48am

Are you talking about yr own self? Good confession,relatable.

5 2Rating: +3

On the Spectrum

Sep 21, 2022 at 10:29am

You seem to have confused folks on the spectrum with assholes. We aren't like that. This person is just a jerk.

12 7Rating: +5

The First 2 Comment

Sep 21, 2022 at 2:49pm

Ignore the obnoxious folks with their "thumbs down" posturing. There are a lot of people with undiagnosed ASD out there. A lack of understanding of emotions and reactions is a common trait among the "high functioning" ASD set. People with ASD have an abstract sense of self. The region of our (I assume typical) brains that lights up when we think of the late Queen Elizabeth (or any third person) is the same region that lights up when people on the spectrum think of themselves. Knowing that helps to understand why they can be so blunt and rude; it's because they can't absorb personal comments at all like a person with a neurotypical brain. Good on you for trying to find a path to empathy with this person.

6 6Rating: 0

Thank you Doctor Anonymous

Sep 21, 2022 at 5:42pm

I'm sure you diagnose every single one of your past almost victims (or "relationships") that you failed to control or manipulate into acting or doing as you wanted them to with some sort of mental deficiency. That's okay, they likely have you diagnosed as well.

11 3Rating: +8

@the first 2

Sep 21, 2022 at 5:57pm

I expected to get thumbs down and immediate defensiveness from some people. I do have a little experience with a couple of people on the spectrum so when I started to feel some déjà vu I remembered what it was like dealing with them. The blunt affect along with several other similarities. So maybe they’re just an asshole or maybe they’re on the spectrum. It’s not always obvious. Either way it does make having a normal relationship with them almost impossible unless I’m willing to ignore all of my own needs. (I’m not.)

4 3Rating: +1

Anonymous

Sep 21, 2022 at 7:33pm

why does everyone assume op is talking about the autism spectrum? most neurological disorders are spectrums, including the schizophrenia spectrum, bipolar spectrum illnesses, etc.

people who simply say "the spectrum" are completely clueless about autism or any other condition and get their "facts" from pop culture instead of actually educating themselves.

autism isn't a dirty word, but if you find it too triggering, just say "neurodiverse".

--an autistic person

9 0Rating: +9

Nice

Sep 21, 2022 at 8:07pm

If you are wrong, your medical diagnosis of someone else is pretty darn offensive. If you are right, then your view point of people with special needs is crass at best.

6 1Rating: +5

Anonymous

Sep 22, 2022 at 3:53am

Did you ever think maybe it's just you ?
Try looking in your own mirror and judge that,
just because you have the internet does not make you a MD sweetheart.

4 0Rating: +4

Well...

Sep 22, 2022 at 9:48am

My ex-husband decided to diagnose me as having Asperger's because he felt I was like people he worked with who had that diagnosis. He totally missed the part about how I didn't talk much because he always criticized everything I said and everything I did. And he felt I didn't readily adapt - ie - to his way of doing things (the only way to do things, right?). And didn't know that I was depressed from the anxiety of living with him. I'm not saying you're not right in your assessment of your ex; I'm just saying that we don't always know the other person's side of things, what was happening for them internally, and how that might impact what we see on the outside. As for the ex? So happy he's my ex.

8 1Rating: +7

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