I'm "lonely" by geography and age

As a single man approaching age 40, I've been living in Vancouver for about 11 years now. One thing that throws off my vibe when it comes to dating is the perception that I might be lonely and desperate. Women may think I'm lonely because I am often trying to find dates for concerts, beach days and so on... Often on short notice. These women may wonder "Doesn't this guy have friends? Why does he have so much free time?" Here's why: (1) My best friend moved to the USA 3 years ago (2) Two other best friends live in Nanaimo, one is a super busy hard working Dad, the other is also very busy (3) another best friend lives in Prague. I have 4 best friends, and consider myself extremely lucky, as most people just have 1 or 2. (4) In total, I count 13 close friends that I love dearly... and you know what... NONE of them live here. Hence the free time. As I approach 40 as well I notice that many of my friends with kids are essentially handcuffed to their toddlers and babies for the next several years, with little to no free time to ever cut loose and have a fun night out in Vancouver. I can think of three of them now who privately express to me their occasional feelings of discontent about being trapped in this phase of life. So am I lonely and desperate? I guess so, but it's just circumstances, bad luck and growing older. THIRTEEN good friends... I fantasize what life would be like if we all lived in the same city: a reciprocal community constantly creating group social events for each other. I'd be a much more shining, happy and fulfilled person, and that would reflect better in my psyche and dating vibes. My life would be so much more rich, full, and positive, with this crew of beloved friends around. But alas, I am essentially alone, and that's not a sexy vibe. It makes dating SO much harder. I know I'm not alone in feeling like this in a city full of immigrants. People that grew up here and have forged a lifelong community around them are incredibly lucky.


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Nov 29, 2022 at 7:52pm

But I’m a lifelong Vancouver resident n my 70’s. I too have a few very good friends, but almost all of them have moved away over the years. So now I’m stuck here feeling lonely because the only social life I get nowadays involves my family. I’m lucky to have them, but being my age and single can be very difficult. I can’t move away so I’m just trying to make the best of it.

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Dec 1, 2022 at 10:29pm

The people who I love, unfortunately, do not live here. My heart and soul longs for them. I totally get you, OP. I think it’s cool that you look for dates for beach days, etc. Keep it up and don’t fret about people’s perceptions of you. Scratch where it itches. Fill the need of company, even at short notice. You’re being proactive and that’s great. My own local friendships feel very surface: I don’t feel understood. Yeah we talk about our kids and work and our next vacation, but I am SO MUCH more than that. I dream of my loved friends moving closer. I hope you take time to go see your 13 close friends, OP, you’re very fortunate that way.

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Parents venting

Dec 4, 2022 at 4:00pm

Is because your the childless associate. Parents can't whine about parenting to other parents. They whine about day care and recite their children's resumes at each other. Vancouver would be lonelier. Less concerts and events, changing neighbourhoods, and paying twice as much for on living from 10 years ago. Buy a bike. Ride a bike. Creates stories that kill boredom and give you something to talk about to dates.

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I feel you

Dec 10, 2022 at 3:21am

Same situation, good friends live elsewhere and friends that I made ended up moving. Tried to make more friends but either they live in the bars (boring) or are in the "have children" lifestyle where they seem forbidden from having lives so there's no chance of fostering friendships unless you want to talk about diapers & RESPs in passing. And then people wonder what's wrong with you. Nothing is, but most people have a sheltered life and can't relate. I have no solution. I gave up trying to make friends here. People here make it so hard to have while they complain so much about not having.

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