I should know it’s okay to cry, to be upset and yet deep down I don’t. I’m embarrassed. I try to hold my breath, distract, but the tears won’t stop. If I don’t fight them at least they won’t show as much. Let them slip down quietly. I’m shaking and I can’t steady myself. Breathe. Slow the breaths. Think of ducks. It’s not working. I wish I could turn this off until I have the safety to ugly cry in solitude.