I feel free

For a while, I have had distance from every toxic person in my life. Some passed away, others were told to get out of my life for good, circumstances allowed a few to leave my existence and a few regretfully drifted off. At first, I was sad about the drifters, but as time passed, I kept getting more articles and books coming my way. I found myself reading more and more about abusive people and people with personality issue red flags. It's like life is educating me on why they were "removed" from my life path, and now I both pity those that drifted and understand how their not being in my life anymore is a very good thing, even when I initially thought otherwise. I learned about myself and others, so while the lessons were at times hard to experience (and, for some, I wish things didn't turn out the way they did), I'm quite glad how I learned on many levels as a result of those experiences. I am better prepared should I encounter anyone like these people again, and am ready for much healthier and more rewarding interactions now because I am worth a happy life filled with fun, patient, supportive, loyal, kind people who live in integrity embracing collective growth. I have lots of room now. Thanks, life!

8 Comments

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Man would i like to meet you!

Dec 7, 2022 at 11:40am

i am so often being accused of being toxic and that is not sitting well with me. i have a very good inner understanding of my core values my soul's carrying bit a contant stream of gaslighting attacks so atbut i have gotten good at the part i use to be like wtf my headache is acting up. Anyways good work im trying to become a former victim!

3 0Rating: +3

Hmnnn…

Dec 7, 2022 at 6:27pm

One thing that jumped out at me when I read your post is that you never once included yourself in the equation. It does take at least two people to have any type of relationship, so maybe it’s possible that the people you assume need to improve are also thinking the same thing about you. Maybe they drifted away because of that? One of the biggest red flags I have noticed about people who talk about how toxic others are, is that they seem oblivious to their own behaviour. Just something to think about.

1 3Rating: -2

Seems you are pathologizing the drifters

Dec 8, 2022 at 9:07am

To avoid asking yourself why they wanted to quietly distance themselves from you.

0 3Rating: -3

Drifters drift

Dec 10, 2022 at 2:41am

This isn't about the relationships where both people stumble and grow, facing mutual challenges that come with learning how to be in relationships of all stripes. There's no professing perfection in those either, with lots of taking ownership in those situations on my part; something we all should strive for. Those people are loved, valued and retained.
Those that drifted had left because they were called out on their toxic behaviour and, when given a chance to make things right, chose to skulk away. They were embarrassed, failed to embrace accountability and, having their behaviour exposed, knew they couldn't act as they did so they left or were shown the door.
Those looking to place blame have no idea on the history or circumstances, but certainly are the kind of people who make excuses for toxic behaviour and are more comfortable with victim-blaming as their choice response. After all, it's familiar territory, albeit barking up the wrong tree.
The mistake was not believing in deserving better treatment when learning one's self-worth and about what constitutes healthy boundaries. So, yeah, some overdue bad choices that were given far too many chances got a well-deserved boot, happily flushing the toxicity out. The confession is about those people, and it's funny how the toxic elements that are commenting assume the one reclaiming self-worth is the one who is the problem. Very telling.

2 0Rating: +2

ASSuming…

Dec 12, 2022 at 9:02pm

I commented but I’m not assuming that you are the one with the problem. What I am saying is that you didn’t mention your part in anything in your post. It’s becoming so commonplace to hear people talking about how they’re getting rid of all the toxic people in their lives, but rarely do they acknowledge their own issues. I know all about being in relationships with people who are exactly as you describe, but the interesting thing is that some of those same people seem to be fine with others. So sometimes it’s just about how two people interact with each other, not just that one person is “toxic”. People can bring out the worst in each other in relationships that aren’t healthy. So as long as you’re acknowledging that some of those people might have been thinking the same about you then you’re getting it. Sure, there are situations where one person is clearly a complete jerk and the other person is being victimized by them. But those aren’t the majority.

0 2Rating: -2

@ASSuming

Dec 13, 2022 at 12:58pm

I think the situation you describe at the end of your comment is more common than you think.

I wish you’d get off this “it takes two to tango” shit. It’s a cliche that entraps empathic people in a forever of mental gymnastics and ensures continued blameshifting, lack of accountability, and absent self-awareness for those that exploit people for their own gain.

As for OP, I have no doubt that you’re on a journey of self-worth. Shedding people is a great indicator of that. But tbh still sounds like you’re lying to yourself about certain aspects. What’s your relationship to control like?

1 0Rating: +1

Sometimes...

Dec 14, 2022 at 1:17am

...people are pure asshats. They're exactly as branded: toxic.
If they seem to get along with others, those others likely don't know them for as long or as well. Some people are trusting marks. By the time those marks are put through the ringer, the asshats move on to the next marks. Social sucker OP just figured it out, that's all, and their only issue is being too trusting and naive to spot the all-too-manipulative, deceptive, toxic asshat instead of getting wise and learning about boundaries. Let's stop enabling or making excuses for asshats because some people are just that: asshats.

2 0Rating: +2

@@ASSuming

Dec 16, 2022 at 2:56am

Relationship to control is pretty healthy, especially these days now that the self-worth/boundaries aspect is realized. Working to improve self-assurance to allow for trust to flourish in relationships. More confident to state my needs without sacrificing consideration. I no longer tolerate garbage if don't need to.

0 0Rating: 0

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