Facing the truth

posted January 3rd, 2023 at 1:02 PM

I’ve made a lot of excuses for my family members who mistreated and neglected me as a child. I’m old now and I’m past the stage of holding onto anger and resentment towards them because of it. But I’m also being realistic now about some of what they did that I now realize was really wrong. Several times as a child I was either really sick or injured, and my father refused to get me any treatment. He had this “just live with it” attitude, and my mother just went along with whatever he wanted, so even though she could have taken me to the doctor or hospital, she just didn’t. So I’ve been left with some body damage like improperly set broken fingers, a broken nose, and lifelong psychological trauma from being sexually and physically assaulted. My oldest sibling was allowed to torment me with impunity, including regularly punching and bullying me, and I was without doubt the family scapegoat. I should be angry I guess, but I’m not. I’m just facing the truth of it, and that feels okay now. I wouldn’t say that I’ve forgiven them so much as I’ve just accepted what they did and acknowledged that I didn’t deserve any of it.

3 Comments

You are worthy

Jan 5, 2023 at 6:34am

of your existence no matter how badly you were treated and I think you have come to that realization. You have saved yourself. Good on you! Keep on keeping on...

Well that is awful

Jan 5, 2023 at 3:30pm

But thank you I think I consider myself lucky now I was not beaten or sexually abused by family no that was later in life. Emotional trauma is my down fall but I accept they did the best with what they had remembering hurt people hurt people! I feel for your suffering though it will make you stronger when you find acceptance that it was family links not deliberate! You can server that abuse just say no more no more will my family line stay ill!

@Well

Jan 6, 2023 at 4:58pm

I don’t need to sever any ties because I’ve worked through all of it on my own over a long period of time. I’m over 70 now and my parents are gone. I think the reason that I don’t hold anger is for exactly the reason that you said; I know they were hurt people and didn’t realize how much damage they were causing. They were just repeating the patterns they were raised with. People nowadays have easy access to an entire world of information that my parents (and me) didn’t have when raising a family. So I understand how it happened and why. What I’ve had more trouble doing is coming to terms with the self-harm I did before I truly accepted that none of it was my fault. But I’m mostly there now, and I’m comfortable with all of it in spite of the pain.