Should I go for it?
posted January 3rd, 2023 at 12:15 AM
A man from my past contacted me a few months ago (last saw him 4 years ago), and he keeps texting me every few weeks, wanting to "see" me again. I'm quite confident he only wants to "have fun" with me, but am hesitant to see him. We didn't end on good terms the last time we saw each other, and I although I have asked him why he wants to see me again, I never really get a satisfying answer. I want more than just fun with him but I think he just views me as an option. Kinda flattering. Kinda annoying. I want to see him again... But I know deep down I shouldn't. Would you revisit your past if you had another chance?
13 CommentsPost a Comment
Jan 4, 2023 at 12:57pm
I agree with your assessment - you know what to do.
Thanks for the vulnerability
Jan 4, 2023 at 2:31pm
I would go for it only if you need to see this connection through to its logical conclusion in order to gain emotional closure.
Honestly, I wouldn't place any bets that this guy wants what you want, or that you will ever get the answers you seek.
You might want to find some info on "hoovering" before making any decisions.
Good luck and no judgement whatever you decide.
Jan 4, 2023 at 2:34pm
I think you know the answer already. He’s probably out of available options right now so he’s just testing the waters to see if anyone from the past will bite. I know a guy just like this who keeps several women on the back burner so that he can call them up when he’s bored or lonely. If he hasn’t made you a priority in the past and things ended badly then, you have your answer. If you want to put yourself through some unnecessary pain, then by all means say yes. Otherwise, say no and keep looking ahead.
Jan 4, 2023 at 3:43pm
Nope-ity, Nope, Nope.
Jan 4, 2023 at 4:13pm
Taking your "ex' back is
like going to a yard
sale & buying back
your own crap!
Jan 4, 2023 at 9:58pm
You've already answered you own question in your confession.
Go back and read what you wrote.
Shift is what shifty does.
You deserve better :)
Rethink the idea and hold firm on a hard "no"
Jan 4, 2023 at 10:49pm
I might if I had your option for my life scenarios. Well, I'd only do it if they were willing to clear their schedule to spend the quality time such a conversation requires, were willing to be completely and respectfully open and honest in that conversation, were willing to fully explore the past, and were committed to demonstrating accountability in owning up to stuff they pulled...all things I'd do. But that's unlikely; they were very narcissistic so they'd never see themselves as responsible for anything, and they were looking for attention to make up for what they couldn't get in their existing "relationship" so they likely have emotional supply from elsewhere by now and wouldn't see value in such efforts that require things normally the domain of monogamy such as devotion and commitment. There was also little to trust with consistently weak efforts of poor communication on their part, so it wouldn't matter how willing, it would be a waste of time because their actions would show how little would have changed. In fact, they'd have to do a lot of consistent make-up work to change the perception they laid out repeatedly with ease.
And that brings us to the point: your man had chances, but without changes in their behaviour that he is showing you now, you know nothing will be different. And they aren't changing, are they? He's still being vague and can't even tell you why he's back. Likely because if he was honest he knows he couldn't have what he wants. Notice he doesn't care about your wants, or is willing to show you're both on the same page. That's because he's not and if he's upfront he knows he can't...or won't...give you what you need. He seems like a manipulative type; notice how he's feeling out whether you're desperate enough to give it away (and that isn't you) so he can have a good time while keeping you in the dark.
Send him packing; you deserve someone who can deliver more of what you're ready for in life in an adult manner. Realize that, set firm boundaries and declare your life a "no games/no players" zone, starting with him. Time to date guys who are ready for something serious because you're ready for something better.
Jan 5, 2023 at 12:21am
I think you should go with your gut on this. Save yourself anymore future trouble with this guy that'll just end up blocking a better relationship headed your way.
@ been there
Jan 5, 2023 at 3:05pm
Omg so funny
I'm laughing my ass off.
Good one :)
Yard sale bahaha
Jan 6, 2023 at 1:29am
I know you meant this for the OP but maybe someone else too??? You covered that situation with plenty of detail and opened my eyes to things I didn't think about. It helped me with some hard decisions that aren't so hard anymore. Thankyou!
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