But if I don't matter...

So this guy who's sweet on me knows my BD is coming for weeks, and on the day of it he ghosts me. After the weekend, he pretends like nothing happened. No inquiries, not even a simple "sorry I missed it, happy belated". Nada. I was shocked to see how stingy a person can be with themselves to be like that. It hurt only because, at the time, he meant something. I explained how meaningful birthdays are leading up to that day, so you'd think he'd make the connection. I even explained again after it passed. What made it worse is how he got upset when I pointed out how it hurt. He was more focused on how he felt the whole time. Now he wonders why I don't want to see him or have anything to do with him. He thinks I abandoned him, and got extremely irate. He just doesn't get it. He made me feel inconsequential on purpose, then wants me to be devoted to him? The funny thing is, in the beginning, he wondered why I'd be interested in him. Now I see why: he knows he's a selfish, thoughtless, uncaring person. I just can't bring myself to tell him that. I don't want to give him anything anymore, even criticism to make him self-aware in the off-chance the criticism helps him improve himself. I feel stupid for trusting him, or believing that he had good in him. Even he knows that there's nothing there within him for him to wonder out loud why anyone would like him, and I should have believed that.


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Similar circumstances

Feb 7, 2023 at 11:10am

Willful denial of desires linked to my love language. These people will drain you dry and will never get why you should be more than a servant to their underdeveloped emotions. They will always find opportunities to use you without reciprocation. Unfair, right?

Save your explanations and try to find within you the support you seek within them. I know easier said than done, and it may take time to reach that point, but it's worth it.

Crank Miley's song "Flowers" and good luck with your journey to higher love! Don't worry... you're on your way to finding a real one.

7 2Rating: +5


Feb 7, 2023 at 2:09pm

Yup. Another selfish ahole. My dad wouldn't acknowledge our mother's bdays and she got so fed up with it she'd buy her own gifts, wrap them and present them to herself with cake. It would start another fight but then I always smile to myself when I think about it. If someone is so self-absorbed they can't recognize your special day, then they are certainly not worth your time or affection. Rather live alone than put up with that bullshit.

6 1Rating: +5

Lucky you

Feb 7, 2023 at 10:11pm

It sucks, what he did, but you've managed to learn a big lesson without too much fall-out. You dodged a bullet if you ever had thoughts of being with him long term that is. Consider yourself wiser now and move along. You'll spot his type much more quickly in the future and then you'll see the gift in all this.

6 2Rating: +4

Happy Birthday

Feb 8, 2023 at 6:02pm

I mean it too.

My ex an I broke up in April, he wished me HBD in August....first time I heard from him since he dumped me. Yesterday was his birthday and I wished him HBD. It's just being thoughtful and civil if the break up wasn't acrimonious.

Anyway, I hope you had a good birthday and can just move on from this selfish inconsiderate asswaffle. You deserve and will get a bteer person. Maybe ask as a screening...."what's your thoughts on birthdays? How do you celebrate"

5 1Rating: +4

Kipawa Harder

Feb 9, 2023 at 10:10am

It sounds like you are dealing with a narcissist. Your BD is *your* day, and they just can't handle things not being about them. Do you want to be drained dry? This person will do it to you, over and over again. They always find a way of making you feel like *you* did something wrong. Remind yourself of your worth and take your power back.

6 2Rating: +4

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